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Class LO-^^;^^ 



Copyright }l°_ 



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COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



JUST PLAIN FOLKS 



^ €omctip SDrama of ^utal Xife in €{)ree %tt0 



ANTHONY E. WILLS 

AUTHOR OF "OAK FARM," "NEW ENGLAND FOLKS," "A COUNT OF 

NO ACCOUNT," "BENJAMIN, BENNY AND BEN," "THE MATINEE 

IDOL," "THE STUBBORN MOTOR CAR," "THE EAST 

SIDERS," ETC. 



Copyright, 1910, by Dick & Fitzgerald 



NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 ANN STREET 



5 






i^"" 



JUST PLAIN FOLKS. 

CHARACTERS 

John Gii,bert, an old country doctor Old man 

Zeke TrimbIvE, his hired man , . . Comedy character 

Richard Morrey, an attortiey at law Straight lead 

Jim Grainger, a circus man Character 

Professor Winki^er, a school teacher. Comedy character 

Sammy SeIvLERS, the Doctor's Jiephew Comedy 

Kitty Mason, the circus girl. Soubrette lead 

Mrs. Gilbert, the Doctor's wife Old lady 

Arletta Bedell, a neighbor Comedy character 

RosiE, a servant German comedy 

Note : — Each character appears in every act. 

Time. — The present. Locality. — The home of Dr. Gilbert in a 
small village in New Hampshire. 

Time of Playing. — Two hours and a half. 



©CI.D 17963 



Just Plain Folks. 3 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Doctor Gilbert at home. Death of the proprietor 
of a circus in the neighborhood, and disbandment of the per- 
formers. Mrs. Gilbert decides to give a dinner party, and 
Sammy determines to be a circus clcwn. Zeke gives Arletta 
a fright. A Kicky find. The Doctor decides to adopt Ivitty, 
the young and pretty bare-back rider of the circus. Mrs. 
Gilbert refuses. The Doctor wins by subtle diplomacy. 
Kitty is happy. Morrey^ a young lawyer discovers docu- 
ments relating to Kitty. Courtship of Arletta and the 
Professor. The dinner party. Catastrophe and confusion. 

Act II. — A year later. Kitty's presence has injured the 
Doctor's social and professional standing by her former 
occupation. A deaf mute's courtship and repulse by EosiE. 
Mrs. Gilbert determines that Kitty must go. The Doctor 
asserts his authority, "Kitty stays here!" Sammy plays 
truant, but wards off exposure by strategy. Kitty has an 
understanding with the Professor. The Doctor in trouble; 
the mortgage. A light breaks in on Kitty. Sammy steals the 
mortgage money, but is forced by Kitty to give it back. She 
is caught with the money in her hand. Accused, and driven 
from home. 

Act III. — Six months' later. Christmas-eve. Sammy's 
remorse at being the cause of Kitty's expulsion. Return of 
Kitty, and Sammy confesses. Arrival of Morrey, the lawyer; 
he has discovered Kitty's parentage. She is now an orphan 
and heiress to a million dollars. Discomfiture of Arletta 
and the Professor. Engagement of Morrey and Kitty, and 
happiness reigns supreme. 



COSTUMES. 



Dr. Gilbert. Age, about sixty. A gray-haired, smooth 
shaven old gentleman. Wears a smoking jacket and cap, 
black trousers, old-fashioned collar and cravat, and fancy 
waistcoat. His coat is hanging on hook at rear, with his hat 
and cane. 

Richard Morrey. A good-looking, neatly dressed young 
lawyer of about twenty-five. In Act III, quite stylishly 
dressed. 

Professor Winkler. Tight fitting black trousers, frock 
coat, black bow tie, white spats, tall silk hat. Has long, flow- 
ing hair. In Act III, overcoat, over badly fitting dress-suit, 
fancy colored shirt, red bow tie. 



4 Just Plain Folks. 

Zeke Trimble. A deaf mute, thin and smooth shaven; has 
a large mouth with a perpetual grin. Wears a red crop-wig. 

Sammy Sellers. Dr. Gilbert's nephew. A young, ruddy- 
country lad about sixteen. Short trousers, shirt with turned- 
down collar, and a cap. 

Jim Granger. A thick -set, red-faced character, with tm- 
kempt hair. Wears corduroy trousers tucked in high boots; 
blue flannel shirt, and slouched hat. In Act II, loud check 
suit, flashy tie, diamonds, soft Alpine hat. Act III, poorly 
dressed. 

Mrs. Gilbert. Age, fifty. A dignified lady of the New 
England type, in plain house dress, with old-fashioned 
earrings, neat lace cap, black lace mittens. 

Kitty Mason. A pretty girl of fifteen. Simple shirt- 
waist ; skirt down to ankles, with ribbons. Act II, very neatly 
dressed. Act III, rather shabby garment. 

Arletta Bedell. An elderly person. Dark colored dress, 
old-style bonnet. Wears side curls, and spectacles. Act III, 
large shawl covering a gaudy dress trimmed with ribbons. 

RosiE. A German servant of solid demeanor. Plain 
gingham gown, small white apron, her hair gathered up in a 
knot high up the back of her head. 



INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. 

A lot of parcels; bundle; apple; school books and strap, 
for Sammy. Small slate with slate-pencil tied to it; pocket- 
book; firewood for Zeke. Large tray and plates; large 
platter; scrubbing brush, wash rag and pail; Christmas tree 
decorations, for Rosie. Bandanna handkerchief, for 
Professor. Bundle; school books and strap; letter, for Kitty. 
Documents, card, and large envelope, for Morrey. Docu- 
ments for Dr. Gilbert. Stage money for Arletta. Skein 
of yarn for Mrs. Gilbert. Sawdust for effect at close of 
Act I. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

As viewed by a performer on the stage, facing the audience, 
R., means right-hand of stage; l., left-hand; c, center of 
stage; d. c, door in center of rear flat; d. r., door at right of 
stage; d. l., door at left side; up, toward rear of stage; down, 
toward the footlights. 



JUST PLAIN FOLKS. 



ACT L 



SCENE. — A sitting-room in Dr. Gilbert's home, neatly 
furnished, about four o'clock of an afternoon in June. 
Door at d. c. Doors R. and L. Cupboard, with a drawer 
doivn R. Fireplace, with logs, and mantel-piece L. 
Cloch, photographs and vases on mantel. Window l. of 
D. c. Curtain over window, now partly drawn open. 
RocTcer in front of fireplace. Chair near clipboard. 
Dining table c. with covers laid for five. Kitchen chairs 
at table. Coat hooks alongside of d. c. The Doctor's 
coat is on one of the hooks. Small couch n. c. Pictures 
on wall. Carpet doivn. Bric-a-brac distributed about to 
give impression of a cozy country house. 

DISCOVERED, Rosie, laying plates on table, and Doctor 
Gilbert, asleep in rocker, a newspaper spread over his 
face. He snores at intervals. 

EosiE (looks around). I wonder vat dot can be? 

(After a pause. Doctor snores again.) 

EosiE (looks around). Dere it goes again! 

(Doctor snores very loud.) 

Rosie (discovering cause). Ach, now I recommember. It 
is der Doctor. Vat a fool I didn't know it in der first place. 
(Comes down and surveys him) He sleeps — und sleeps — und 
when he gets tired of sleeping, den he sleeps some more. 
(Sighs) 1 don't know vat comes of dis family, ef it keeps 
up. (At table. Yawns) By'jiminy! Maybe I ketch der 
same disease. 

ENTER Mrs. Gilbert, d. r. 

Mrs. Gilbert (to Rosie). Rosie dear, do hurry! The 
guests will soon be arriving and we're not half ready to re- 
ceive them. 



6 Just Ptain l^'olks. 

RosiE. Ches, mam. I hurry so fast as I kin. Yes! 

Mrs. G. There's a dear. My husband, doubtless, has gone 
to attend his patients and forgotten all about our little party. 

EosiE. No mam, you are forsaken. Your husband sleeps 
dare! (Points dramatically at Doctor) 

Mrs. G. (beholding Doctor). Did I ever? (Snatches 
paper from his face) And I thought — ! (Roughly shaking 
Doctor) John! John! Wake up, wake up! 

Doctor (snores loudly). 

EosiE (now at d, r.). He sleeps pretty tight, don't he? 

[EXIT D. R. laughing. 

Mrs. G. (irritated, still shaking him). John! John! Do 
you hear me? Wake up! 

Doctor (wakes up with a start). Oh, is that you, Susan? 

Mrs. G. (surprised). Who did you expect? That little 
girl from the circus, who has been uppermost in your mind 
since last evening? 

Doctor (irritated). Now, my dear, don't continually harp 
on the little one. Surely you are not jealous of a fifteen year 
old child. 

Mrs. G. (haughtily). I should think not. 

Doctor. Well then, why 

Mrs. G. (piqued). You know better than that, John. But 
it's just this kind-heartedness on your part, for all these years, 
that has kept you where you are. 

Doctor. Haven't we enough to eat and drink, a roof over 
our heads? Then what more? 

Mrs. G. True, we've got a lot to be thankful for. But 
have you ever thought what would become of us in the event 
that anything should happen — if you should be taken down 
with some serious ailment, for instance? 

Doctor (patting her head). Don't let such thoughts dis- 
turb you, dear. Time enough to meet suoh a condition when 
it actually confronts us. 

Mrs. G. I don't want to appear critical, but among your 
many charities I fear you are being taken advantage of. 

Doctor (surprised). My dear, I've never heard you speak 
like this before. Surely Rosie, poor little thing, isn't 

Mrs. G. (quickly). No, no, she has earned all you ever did 
for her. 

Doctor (feelingly). I can recall, as though it were yester- 
day, how her dying mother placed her in my arms. (Looking 
up) And Josiah Trimble's lad, Zeke? 

Mrs. G. Poor boy, he can hardly help himself. It was 
indeed an act of mercy to give him a home. 



Jttst Plain Folks. 7 

Doctor. Well then? 

Mrs. G. I refer more particularly to the others. 

Doctor. The Cross family? Poor old Merrill? Surely, 
they have taken no advantage of me. 

Mrs. G. (after a pause). Perhaps after all you are right. 
But our income is so small and steadily growing less that I 
thought 

Doctor (rising). There, there, Susan, don't worry. We'll 
find a way. In the meantime, we'll go on giving our little 
mite, as we have in the past. (Removing smoking jacket) 
And now my things. 

Mrs. G. You're going out again? (Goes up and brings 
down his coat, hat and cane) 

Doctor. I must take a turn in the garden. My rheuma- 
tism gives me some concern. 

Mrs. G. (assisting him with coat). But you mustn't forget 
the dinner party. 

Doctor (laughing). Spooning party, you mean. It's 
time our precious neighbor and the Professor made up their 
minds as to what they intend to do. They've been keeping 
company, to my knowledge, for all of twenty years. 

ENTER RosiE, d. r. 

RosiE (excitedly). Oh blease. Doctor! I shust seen from 
the pantry window 

Doctor. Go on, go on, — what is it ? What is it ? 

RosiE (hurriedly). Dot gentlemens who vas here last night 
is running toward the house all excitement, waving his hands 
so. (Illustrates by wildly waving her arms) 

Mrs. G. Whatever can have happened? Oh, I hojpe it's 
nothing to interfere with our dinner party! 

Doctor. There you go again, Susan. Your dinner party. 
It's the only thing I've heard the past week. I dare say, that 
would have to go on if an earthquake struck the town. 

(Knock is heard outside D. c.) 

Doctor (to Rosie). See who it is. 

(RosiE goes quickly and opens d. c.) 

ENTER Jim Grainger d. c. 

Jim (breathlessly). Beg pardon. Doc — (removes hat and 
nervously fingers same) but I [EXIT Rosie d. r. 

Doctor (anxiously). Quick! What is it? The patient 
isn't worse ? 



8 Just Plain I^oiks. 

Jim (hrohenly). Yes, Doc. I'm afraid he's done fer tills 
time. 

Doctor. I'll come at once. 

Jim. I'll be thankful to yer, if you do. 

[EXIT D. c. passing outside of window. 

Doctor (going up). I thought that last attack would prove 
fatal. (Sighs) Poor, poor fellow. 

Mrs. G. (anxiously). But, John, you won't be long, you 
won't forget the dinner party ? 

Doctor (jamming hat on head and bringing cane heavily 
doum on floor). Hang the dinner party. This is a matter of 
life and death! [EXIT d. c. slamming door loudly. 

Mrs. G. (goes to window and looJcs off after him). That's 
the first time in all our married life, he's asserted himself like 
that. He has a temper, after all. (Looking off) Thank 
goodness, Sammy's got back with the things. (Goes to D. c. 
and opens it) 

ENTER Sammy Sellers d. c. Carries a large numher of 
small parcels, so piled up that they hide his face from 
view. 

Sammy. Steady! Steady, or I'll drop the whole shootin' 
match ! 
Mrs. G. (calling). Rosie! Quick! Quick! 

ENTER Rosie hurriedly d. r. 

Mrs. G. (to Rosie). Take hold! (Hands her a numher of 
packages) There! that's more like it. 

Sammy (with hroad smile). That's the first time I've been 
able to see ahead o' me since leavin' the village store. 
Couldn't tell whether I was comin', or goin'. 

Mrs. G. (talcing remainder of bundles. To Rosie). Come, 
dear. (Then to Sammy) Don't run away, Sammy. I want 
to see whether you've missed anything. 

[EXIT D. R. followed by Rosie. 

Sammy (rubbing arm). Missed anything? Well I didn't 
if the pain in my arm counts. (Tahes out large apple from 
trouser pocket) Now fer solid comfort. (Seats in rocJcer 
and rocking to and fro eats tvith great enthusiasm. Sud- 
denly stops rocking) Gee! "Wouldn't I like ter be one o' 
them circus fellers ! 'Specially the clown. He has the most 
fun. 

ENTER Rosie d. r. 

Rosie (looking around room. Calls). Sammy! Where 
are you ? 



Just Plain Folks. 9 

Sammy. Here I am. (Rises) What's wrong? 

KosiE. You did forgotten der sugar und we ain't got not 
a bit far supper. 

Sammy (slowly). Have I got to go all the way to the 
village again? 

KosiE. Well it listens dot way. We don't got any, und 
der guests will have to go niitout unless 

Sammy (starts toward d. c). I svippose I'll hev ter go. 
(At door, turning to her) But say, Rosie, how did yer get 
over it? 

Rosie. Over vat? 

Sammy. Aw- — you know. Why the circus last night. 

Rosie. Ach, yes. It was fine. (Fingering apron) I 
dank you ever so much for taking me. 

Sammy. That's all right. (Glancing uneasily about) 
Only don't be so loud about it. You didn't let on to my 
uncle and aunt, did yer? 

Rosie (winks and nudges him in side). Ach! I say not 
a word. Dey think we wus to the skule entertainment. 
(Nudges him in side) Ain't that a great one? Yes? 
(Laughs heartily) 

Sammy. You bet! (Joins heartily in her laughter) 
•Specially on my cranky old aunt. (Finally) Say, Rosie, 
wasn't that little girl great? 

Rosie (piqued. Immediately stops laughing). Ouch! 
You always dink of her. 

Sammy (close to her). G'wan, Rosie. Don't go gittin' 
jealous again. I thought we settled all that last night. 
More'n likely I'll never see her again. 

Rosie. I dunno about dot. Your uncle, der Doctor, he 
sezs dot the circus is go bust up. 

Sammy. No! (Anxiously) You mean not leave town? 

Rosie (nodding head in assent). It's somedings like dot. 

Sammy (all joy). Gee! Maybe I'll get a chance now to 
talk to that clown after all, about taking me along. 

Rosie (anxiously). You are a nice one. You would go 
away und leave me — like a circus? 

Sammy. Only for a little while, Rosie, only for a while. 

Rosie (sobs). Oh, Sammy! Sammy! How could you 
did it? 

Sammy (comforting her). Don't take it so hard, Rosie. 
I'd come back here every year or so and play the town. 
There, there. And just imagine seeing my name in big 
letters so high (illustrates) on all the fences — (As if reading. 



lo Just Plain Folks. 

Proudly) " Sammy Sellers, the King of Clowns." Gee ! 
Wouldn't that be great? 

RosiE (sohhing). Yes, it wouldn't. You said you loved 
me und now you go 'way und leave me. 

Sammy (anxiously). There, there, don't bellow so. Every 
body in the house will hear you. 

RosiE (sobbing loudly). Well I don't care, so dere now. 

Sammy (suddenly as thought occurs), Rosie! I have it! 
What do you say to going with me? 

Rosie (drying eyes). Going mit you? Where? 

Sammy. Why, with the circus of course. 

Rosie. Ach, what could I do? 

Sammy. Do? Do? (With exaggerated motions) Why 
you could be " Mademoiselle Rosie," the great bare-back 
rider. 

Rosie. Say, vas iss den dot — veil, what you said? 

Sammy. Why, a person who stands on a horse's back while 
the nag gallops around. Like this ! (Jumps on couch and 
bounces up and down as if riding a horse bare-bach) Don't 
you remember? (Whipping up imaginary horse and waxing 
enthusiastic) Whoop la! Git-ap! Why it's so easy! 
(Whipping furiously) Get along there. Whoop la! Whoop 
la! 

ENTER Mrs. Gilbert, d. r. 

Rosie (instant Mrs. G. enters). Look out, Sammy, look 
out ! (Hurries to table, and confusedly pretends to be setting 
same) 

Sammy (continuing his business. To Rosie). What do 
you say, Rosie? What do you say? 

Mrs. G. (confronting him). I should say, you are making 
a fool of yourself. 

Sammy (stops confusedly). Oh lor'. I was only 

Mrs. G. (angrily). Oh, you needn't tell me. I know. I 
dare say you saw that last night at the school entertainment. 
(To Rosie) And as for you? 

Sammy (protesting). Don't blame her, Auntie. It was all 
my fault. She didn't 

Mrs. G. (stamping foot). Not another word from you, sir. 
The Doctor will attend to your case. 

Sammy. All right. I'm off to town for the sugar. (Aside) 
The old man'll let me off easy. 

[EXIT D. c. passing outside window. 

Mrs. G. (to Rosie). Now then, as for you, putting these 
idiot notions into the boy's head, why I 



Just Plain Folks. tt 

llosiE (protesting). Blease, mum, aber I didn't put nod- 
dings in his head. 

Mrs. G. (angrily). Silence! Don't you dare speak back 
to me. The Doctor's been far too lenient in the management 
of this household and for the future, I assume the reins. 
(Turns away from her and then suddenly wheeling around 
Do you understand that? 

RosiE (giving a start. Aleehly). I didn't say someding. 

Mrs. G. Well, you'd better not. (Pointing to door r.) 
Now go about your business. 

RosiE. dies, mam, I am only too bleased to go. (Crosses 
to D. r. and when within a few feet of door, turns to Mrs. G. 
and mahes a low how) Much obliged. (Then observing that 
Mrs. G. still is pointing R.) [EXIT d. r. quickly. 

Mrs. G. (going to door and lool-ing after her, changing 
tone). Poor little thing. She doesn't know any better. But 
one should rule in one's own house and, unlike the doctor, he 
ruled. 

ENTER Arletta Bedell, d. c. 

Arletta. Afternoon, Susan. 

Mrs. G. (^urns. All smiles). Why, Arietta! (Kisses Tier) 

Arletta. I'm a little early, I know, but I just had to come 
here to avoid that hired man o' yourn. 

Mrs. G. (surprised). Zeke Trimble? 

Arletta. Is that his name ? D'ye know it's the first time 
in all the years he's been with you that I've heard it. 

Mrs. G. Why, Zeke's perfectly harmless. 

Arletta. Harmless? He's a raving maniac, he's stark 
mad! 

Mrs. G. I don't understand. What's he been up to ? 

Arletta (folding arms). I'll tell you. I ran into him at 
Smiley's store in town and he started shovin' that slate o' his 
in my face and following me arovmd, like he was crazy. And 
all the folks instead o' comin' to my rescue, jes' stood aroun' 
and laughed at me. I'm so afraid o' him, you know, 'cause- 
well I dunno, — 'spect it's cause he can't speak. 

Mrs. G. Surely it's not his fault, being deaf and dumb. 

Arletta. 'Suppose it ain't, but I jes' can't bear him around 
me and I wish you'd speak to him, (confusedly) write to him, 
well, do somethin' ter stop him chasing me about that way. 

Mrs. G. Zeke must have had some object. 

Arletta (conceitedly). Wall, 'spose like all the men in 
town, he wants ter marry me. 

Mrs. G. Oh yes, and that reminds me. How are you and 
tJie Professor coming on? 



ti Just Plain Folks. 

Arletta. Not at all. For a smart man, he's about as 
stupid as they make 'em. 

Mrs. G. He loves you. He's told me so. 

Arletta. That's jes' it. He's told everybody but me, the 
one most interested. 

Mrs. G. Well, you ought to help him, if he finds it so 
difficult to propose. 

Arletta. Help him? Landsakes! Ain't I as much as 

asked him to be my husband (Adding after a pause) and 

' even then he didn't have enough gumption merely ter say 
"all right." (Loohing at Mrs. G.) Can you beat that? 
{Then cJianging tone) But you'll speak to that hired man 
o' yourn, won't you? I jes' hate him. 

Mrs. G. Don't vporry. Zeke'll bother you no more. 

ENTEK Zeke Trimble, d. r. 

Arletta {starting l.). There he is again! Oh stop him! 
Stop him ! 

(Zeke grinning broadly, follows Arletta about room, hold- 
ing out slate toward her.) 

Arletta {greatly alarmed). Help! Help! Save me! 
Save me! 1 shall die of fright! {Circles around table and 
then around Mrs. Gilbert several times, followed by Zeke 
holding out slate) 

Mrs. G. {has hurried after Zeke while he was circling 
table after Arletta). Zeke! Zeke! What are you trying 
to do? {And finally seizing him by arm) 
Zeke! Zeke! What are you trying to do? 

Arletta {now l. of Mrs. G.). Thank goodness, you've got 
him! He don't deserve ter be let free. The county jail's 
where he ought ter live. The brute ! 

(Zeke holds slate toward Mrs. G.) 

Mrs. G. {taking same, reads aloud). "I want to tell you 
something." {Loohing up. To Arletta) Why that's a 
message for you. He wants to tell you something. 

Arletta {drawing away). Oh, don't let him come near 
me. It's a disgrace to let the idiot roam about like this. 

Mrs. G. We'll soon know what it is. {Has written on 
slate and now reads aloud) "What is it, Zeke?" (Holds 
out to Zeke) 

Zeke (reads, then business of wiping slate with sleeve and 
laboriously writing, and finally handing slate to Mrs. G. and 
pointing with index finger of l. hand to Arletta). 



Just Plain Folks. 13 

Arletta (Jias been watching developments with interest. 
Now greatly agitated). Oh, don't let the monster point at 
me that way ! 

Mrs. G. (reassuringly). He simply means that you are to 
read what he has written. 

Arletta {drawing away). Oh, but I couldn't think of it. 
I should be scared to death. I would 

Mrs. G. {offering 'slate to Arletta). Oh, don't be so 
childish. 

Arletta {gingerly taking slate). Well, if you really 
think — {Taking slate. Then starts as she reads) What's 
this? {Reads aloud from slate) "Did you lose a pocket- 
book?" {Hurriedly forces slate into Mrs, G's. hands, wildly 
waving hands) Did I ? Yes ! Yes ! Yes ! (Paces up and 
down) I've lost it, and it contains a hundred dollars ! Oh 
what shall I do ? What shall I do ? (Mrs. G. hands slate to 
Zeke) 

(Zeke writes on slate and hands to Mrs. G. Then produces 
pockethook from pocket, holding it to view.) 

Mrs. G. (pointing to it). Is that it? 

Arletta (espying pockethook. Gives a cry for joy). Yes, 
yes, yes! (Quickly over to R., snatching it from Zeke's hand. 
Quickly glances through contents) Not a penny stolen 
either ! Oh how glad I am ! 

(Zeke grins broadly, points at slate.) 

Mrs. G. (reading from slate). Zeke says, " Found it in 
Smiley's store. Tried to give it to you all afternoon, but you 
always ran away." (Returns slate to Zeke) 

Arletta (with assumed feeling). Poor, noble fellow, how 
good of you. You have always had my deepest sympathy. 
But your reward will come — (Then adding) in another 
world. 

(Zeke writes hurriedly on slate again, hands it to Mrs. G. 
then points at Arletta.) 

Mrs. G. (taking slate). This is intended for you. Arietta. 

Arletta (now; all smiles). Wliat has the noble fellow got 
to say? (Reads from slate) "You are a cheap-skate." 
(Taken back) What's that? Wliy the good-for-nothing, 
ignorant country pumpkin ! (Starts after Zeke) 

(Zeke dodges her, goes quickly up to D. c. [EXIT, in con- 
fusion.) 
Arletta (angrily). Did I ever hear of such a thing! I 



X4 Just Plain Folks. 

really believe now, the fellow stole the pocketbook and 
intended to keep it. (Looking up) Good gracious! If it 
isn't the Professor ! And I'm a sight to behold ! Quick, 
Susan, let me use your powder puff! 

Mrs. G. Quick ! in my room ! [EXIT D. L. 

Arletta (wringing hands). Oh, if the Professor should 
see me in this excited condition, he would be lost to me 
forever. , [EXIT d. l. 

ENTER EosiE d. r. with large tray. 

Professor (o-ff stage). Help! Help! Help! 

EosiE (excitedly). Wass ist den dass? (Starts for d. c.) 

ENTER Professor Winkler hurriedly, d. c. hat in one hand, 
handanna handkerchief in the other, looking hack, comes 
in contact with Rosie, nearly upsetting her. 

Professor (gives a yell and jumps up and down on one 
foot). Ouch! Stupid girl, you stepped on my foot! 

Rosie (hopping about on one foot). Und you stepped on 
my knuckle ! 

Prof. Why don't you look where you're going? 

Rosie. Wliat for you don't look where you came from? 

Prof, (turning on her). Bah! 

Rosie (imitating him). Likewise "bah" to you, — and 
many of them! 

ENTER Mrs. Gilbert d. l. 

Mrs. G. Goodness gracious, what has happened? 

Prof, (confusedly). A few of the village hoodlums pelted 
me with apples as I crossed the orchard, and as I hurriedly 
entered here I collided 

Rosie (setting tray on table). Nodding like it! He made 
me such a bump, I nearly lose mine balance. 

Mrs. G. It^s fortunate that no harm was done. 

Prof, (anxiously). Has, — has Arietta arrived? 

Mrs. G. (at d. l.). Yes, she is in the other room. 

Prof. Oh I'm so glad of that. I must go to her! But 
first — (looking around and tlien espying mirror) first I 
want to make myself a bit presentable. (Arranges tie and 
brushes back hair, then conceitedly strikes a series of poses, 
after which with silk hat on arm) [EXIT D. L. pompously. 

Mrs. G. (shaking head, as she looks after him). My! 
what a couple! [EXIT d. l. 

Rosie (at table). Dot bumfessor, he makes me tired with 
his monkey-doodle-bizness. If I had a feller like dot, I 
jump me in der river to get rid of him. 



Just Plain Folks. IS 

ENTER Sammy Sellers d. c. with bundle. 

Sammy (breathlessly). Well, I did that in record time. 

RosiE {taking bundle from him). But not a minute too 
soon. The guests shust arrive. We have supper so soon as 
der Doctor comes back. 

Sammy (confidentially). Whatcher going ter have that's 
good, Rosie? 

RosiE (pushing him away, and going r.). You see, bye und 
bye. 

Sammy (all smiles). Pie and cake, eh? 

Rosie. Dot's all you dink of. 

Sammy. Well, ain't they my favorites? 

Rosie. I guess dot girl from der circus, she is more of 
your favorite. 

Sammy. Aw, Rosie, v?ill you ever let up on that? 

Rosie. I knov?, I know. Your old little German girl ain't 
good enough no more. (Mahes a face and begins loudly to 
blubber and cry) Dot's it! I know, I know! [EXIT D. R. 

Sammy. Hold on, Rosie. Don't go on so. Let me explain. 
(Crushed) Danged if she ain't near right, too. I don't see 
Rosie with the same eyes I did afore I caught a glimpse of 
the circus girl. But I'll have to square myself. It ain't 
right for her to cry that way. (Calls off, d. r.) Rosie! 
Rosie ! ! 

ENTER Doctor Gilbert cautiously, d. c, loohs around room, 
then becTcons off d. c. 

Doctor (looMng off. Then in loud whispers). Come on! 
It's all right. 

ENTER Kitty Mason, her straw hat dangling from the 
ribbons in her hand and carrying a bandanna handker- 
chief made into a bundle, presumably containing her 
belongings, in the other hand. 

Doctor (nervously). Don't be frightened. 

Kitty (bashfully). Do you imagine she'll be angry? 

Doctor. Eh? Well I can't say — that is — (Then pulling 
himself together) at any rate, I'm the master here, and what 
I say is — (Then suddenly. Greatly alarmed) Oh lor'. 
She's coming! What shall I do ? (LooMng around) Here! 
Get behind those curtains until I explain! (Pushes Kitty 
behind curtains) Now don't so much as breathe, unless you 
want to get us both into hot water. 

Kitty (behind curtains). All right! 



i6 Just Plain Folks. 

Doctor (business). Good gracious, keep quiet! (En- 
deavors to assume an air of ease) 

ENTER Mrs. Gilbert d. l. 

Mrs. G. (laughing, as she beholds Doctor). Well? 

Doctor (troubled. Nervously glancing hack toward cur- 
tains. Imitating her). Well? 

Mrs. G. (turning on him sharply). Why don't you say 
sometliing ? 

Doctor. What would you have me say ? 

Mrs. G. How is your patient? 

Doctor (sighs, sadly). He, alas, has gone to his last rest- 
ing place. 

Mrs. G. (starts). Dead? 

Doctor (slowly nods head in assent). The last attack 
could not be overcome, my dear. 

Mrs. G. I'm extremely sorry. What is to become of his 
poor associates? 

Doctor (clearing throat). The company has disbanded. 
They have arranged however to return to the Metropolis. 

Mrs. G. a very sensible resolve, 1 should say. They'd 
hardly make successes as tillers of the soil. It is undoubtedly 
the best place for them. 

Doctor. For once we are agreed. 

Mrs. G. (seating on rocher). I'm glad of that, for it 
would not have been unlike you to have brought them all 
here, bag and baggage, to live under our roof. 

Doctor. Not all, my dear, on this occasion, only one. 

Mrs. G. (sharply). Only one? Do you mean to infer, 
John, that you 

Doctor (clearing throat). How fortunate, my dear, that 
we have no children of our own. 

Mrs. G. (angrily). You are purposely avoiding my ques- 
tion. 

Doctor (continuing). Little children are the last word 
of human imperfection, to quote the words of one who knew. 
They cry, my dear; they demand to be fed, to be washed, to 
be educated, to have their noses blown and 

Mrs. G. (staring at him). Have you suddenly lost all 
reason? Are you mad? 

Doctor. I refuse, my dear, to be interrupted. (C ontinuing 
as before) As I hinted before, all this we have been spared. 
Yet we have also missed the appreciation which goes with it; 
the affection which they show when they have grown old 
enough to understand, when they ha^^e 



Just Plain Folks. 17 

Mrs. G. (alarmed). Will you kindly inform me, sir, as to 
just what this will lead to? 

Doctor (gleefully rubbing hands together). What would 
you say, my dear, were I to tell you I have decided to 
adopt 

Mrs. G. (crossing r.). Adopt! Never, John, never! (Her 
hands above her head) To take another person's responsibil- 
ities on my shoulders- 



DocTOR. But if I were to tell you that she- 



Mrs. G. (turning on him). No, not even a girl would 
interest me, nor gain my consent ! 

Doctor. Supposing it proved to be a poor, destitute little 
child, without kith or kin. A little thing destined to a life in 
a circus 

Mrs. G. (crossing L.). That would be the last straw to 
prevent me from taking her in. No, Doctor, no. You cannot 
soften me. I have quite made up my mind. 

Doctor (still arguing his cause). But if she happened to 
be — (Down to curtain) 

Mrs. G. (turning on him). Oh, let us stop this farce. I 
shouldn't care for the child if she proved to be 

(Doctor throws curtain aside, exposing Kitty to view. 
Kitty has her head in her arm, is sobbing loudly.) 

Mrs. G. Oh ! (Softening) The poor little thing. 

Doctor (all smiles). There, you see! 

Kitty (through her sobs). Please, Doc, take me away 

Mrs. G. (quicHy up to Kitty). No! You mustn't say 
that. (Taking her in her arms) There, there, dry your eyes. 
You mustn't take on that way. 

Doctor (looking on as Mrs. G. comforts Kitty. Finally). 
Perhaps after all, she'd better go. 

Mrs. G. (turning on him sharply). Go? Nothing of the 
sort! The idea of such a thing ! The child remains here, do 
you understand that? Right here with me! (Her arms 
about Kitty) How dare you, sir! How dare you! (To 
Kitty) There, there don't cry any longer. 

Doctor (aside, both thumbs in vest). I knew I was still 
the master here. 

Mrs. G. (comforting Kitty). There, there, little one. I 
didn't know, when I spoke, that you 

Doctor (to Kitty). It's just as I told you. We'd first 
have to have a fuss and then 

Mrs. G. (up). Oh! So you told the child that, did you? 
J*ray what else did you say? 



x8 Just Plain Folks. 

Doctor. Among other things — (chuching her under chin) 
that you are the best hearted woman in all the world. (Aside) 
That'll fetch her. 

Mrs. G. (forced to smile). Well, that somewhat evens 
matters. (Suddenly) But our guests! 

Doctor. Have they already arrived? They must think 
us rude. I'll go to them. Join us as soon as you can. 

[EXIT D. L. 

Mrs. G. (seating on rocher. To Kitty). Come here and 
sit beside me, dear. (Kitty sits down on floor, r. of rocker) 

Mrs. G. What is your name? 

Kitty. Kitty. 

Mrs. G. Your full name. 

Kitty. They call me Kitty Mason. 

Mrs. G. And was it your father who — who 

Kitty. Who died, you mean? 

Mrs. G. (quietly). Yes. 

Kitty. No, that was Mart — Mart Clancy, who owned the 
show. 

Mrs. G. And your parents? 

Kitty. Ain't got none. Mart brought me up since I was 
so high. (Illustrates) 

Mrs. G. But how did you come to 

Kitty. Be in the circus? (Mrs. G. nods her head in 
assent). Don't really know, 'cept what Jim told me. Jim 
Grainger, you know, is the boss canvasman, and has alyvays 
been my best friend. It was Jim would always take my part 
when Mart would beat me. 

Mrs. G. (shocked) . You don't mean to say, the ruffian 
would strike you ? 

Kitty. Oh yes. Wlienever I'd make a slip or tumble from 
the horse. Jim told me, from what he'd heard Mart say once, 
that I came from a good family in New York, and sometimes 
I can remember a big house with many servants and lots o' 
lights. 

Mrs. G. And you've never found out anything else ? 

Kitty (nods head slotvly in negative). Jim tried to get 
somethin' more out o' Mart, but never did. A gentleman at 
the hotel last night asked Jim and me a lot o' questions and 
said he'd try to hunt up my parents, but that's all I know. 

Mrs. G. (looking down at her). Poor little unfortunate. 
(Rises) I'll have to see to getting your room ready. (At 
D. R.) Anyway, dear, you'll find a good home here with us. 

[EXIT D. R. 

Kitty (calling after her). Oh thank you, so much. 



Just Plain Folks. 19 

(Loohs around) Gee ! this is like a dream ! (Ruhs eyes and 
then looks about delighted) Ain't this swell? (Rises) 
It's got the old wagon skinned to death. (Espying couch, 
seats on it and hounces up and down) And this! Like a 
regular swing! (Her hands in her lap. Thoughtfully) 
Only sorry Jim can't share my good luck with me. (Espy- 
ing mantel) And look at the clock and all those other 
pretty things? Gee! it's jes' like fairy land! (Takes down 
small framed picture and intently looks at it) 

ENTEK ElCHARD MORREY D. C. 

MoRREY (in doorway). I beg pardon. 

Kitty (confusedly replacing picture on mantel). 'Xcuse 
me, I didn't mean ter — (Turns around and espying Morrey) 

MoRREY (recognizing her). Well, of all persons! (Com- 
ing down to her with outstretched hand) If it isn't little 
Kitty of the circus. 

Kitty (iviping hand on skirt, before shaking his hand). 
Glad ter meet you again. 

Morrey. And what are you doing here? 

Kitty. This is to be my new home. 

Morrey (surprised). Why, you don't mean? (Kitty 
nods head vigorously in assent. The truth dawning upon 
him) Oh, I see. The Doctor told me last night, he thought 
he'd adopt you if anything happened to his patient. So 

Kitty (quickly). Mart's dead. Died an hour ago. 

Morrey (quietly). Well, well, well. 

Kitty (bashfully, after a pause). I didn't expect to see 
you again. 

Morrey. It's a mighty good thing I dropped in here, for 
I should never have known where to address you, should my 
investigations prove successful. 

Kitty (anxiously). Then you really think somethin' will 
com.e of it? 

Morrey. I'm quite positive. The more I've thought over 
the story you told me last nir-ht and the more I've looked 
over the papers your friend Jim was able to find among 
Clancy's belongings, the more positive I feel that you 

are 

ENTER Doctor Gilbert, d. l. 

Morrey (to Doctor). Beg pardon. Doctor. I don't sup- 
pose you remember me? 

Doctor (going close to Morrey and closely scrutinizing 
him through, his glasses). Why, yes, you're the young man. 



20 Just Plain Folks. 

the young lawyer stopping- over at the hotel. But I thought 
you 

MoRREY. I had intended leaving this afternoon but I 
overlooked delivering a paper to our client, Miss Bedell, so 
I thought 

Doctor. She's inside novr. I'll call her. {Calling off l.) 
Arietta ! Arietta ! Somebody to see you. 

(Jim Grainger now appears at window, looJcs in, then slowly 
ivithdraws, going r.) 

MoRREY {to Doctor). They told me at her home I'd 
likely find her here. 

Doctor. She's coming now. 

ENTER Arletta Bedell d. r., followed hy Professor 
Winkler. 

Doctor {to Arletta). This gentleman Mr. — Mr. — {Re- 
ferring to Morrey) 

Morrey {handing Doctor card). Morrey, is the name. 

Doctor {glancing at card). Oh yes — how stupid of me. 
Morrey, to be sure. {To Arletta) Anyway, he wants to 
see you. {Goes up to window and loohs off l.) 

Arletta {to Morrey). What's happened? 

Morrey {talcing papers from poclcets). I neglected to 
deliver these securities with the others last evening. {Hands 
papers to her) That completes the list. 

Arletta {taking them). Oh, all right. Much obliged for 
your trouble in comin' here. 

Morrey. You'll hear from the Firm with regard to the 
other matter in a few days. 

Arletta. Very well. {Shows Professor papers and he 
eagerly looks over her shoulder at same) 

Morrey. And now I'll have to be making tracks for that 
train. 

Doctor. Wliat's your hurry? {Coming down) Won't 
you stay for supper? My wife's got up something of a 
spread. 

Morrey. No thank you. I'd like to, but you see, if I 
miss this train 

Arletta {interrupting). Mr. Morrey comes all the way 
from New York, yer know. 

Doctor. I see. 

Morrey. Good afternoon, everybody. {Offering Kitty his 
hand) Good by. I'll let you know if anything turns up. 



Just Plain Folks. 41 

(Professor noting Morrey's attention to Kitty. Gives a 
long whistle.) 

MoRREY. Good by — good by. [EXIT D. c. 

All (calling after him). Good by — good by. 

Arletta (proudly). He's managing clerk of my lawyers 
down to York. 

Doctor (suddenly, remembering Kitty). Oh say, I didn't 
introduce you. (To Arletta) Arietta, this is Kitty Mason, 
the little girl from the circus, whom I intend to adopt. (To 
Kitty) Kitty, this is — (referring to Arletta) Miss Bedell, 
the richest woman in town. 

Kitty (warmly to Arletta). I'm pleased to meet you. 
(Offers hand) 

Arletta (coldly, refusing to tal-e her hand). How do. 
(Turns her hack to Kitty) Guess I'll return to the parlor, 
it's a little chilly here. _ [EXIT D. L. 

Doctor (suppressing his anger. Introducing Professor). 
Kitty, this is Professor Winkler of the Board of Education. 
(Kitty offers hand as before) 

Prof, (imitating Arletta's manner). How do. (Turns 
on heel. Turns coat collar up) I feel that chill too. 

[EXIT D. l. pompously. 

Doctor (looking after them). Well, hang me — if they 
weren't Susan's friends, I'd kick them both into the road. 

Kitty (sadly). Guess it's because I belonged to the circus. 

Doctor. It makes no difference what you've been. 
You're human same's the rest of us, and to be treated that 
way is not right, and by thunder I'll not stand it! (With 
arm uplifted) 

ENTEK Jim Grainger d. c. 

Jim. Afternoon, Doctor. 

Doctor (turning and resuming composure). Hello, Mr. 
Grainger. 

Jim. I jes' dropped in ter say good by to Kitty 'cause I'm 
leavin' on the next train. 

Doctor (placing hand in pocket). Got enough money? 

Jim. Yes, thankee. The young lawyer feller fixed mo up 
with that. 

Doctor. Nice young man, that. Well then, I'll leave you 
two together. If I don't see you again, take care of yourself. 

Jim. Much obliged. Doctor. 

[EXIT Doctor d. l. 

Kitty. I'm so glad to see you, Jim; but so sorry we're 
going to be separated for the first time since I kin remember. 



22 Just Plain Folks. 

Jim. Mebbe it's all fer the best, anyway. You've landed 
in a good home here; the Doctor's on the square, and you'll 
get a chance to amount ter somethin' in the world. 

Kitty (wiping eyes. Brokenly). And you, Jim? 

Jim. I'm going back and start all over again. I'll land 
with some show sooner or later and get on my feet again. 
I'll keep you posted as to how I'm gettin' on, but don't think 
I've forgotten you, when I don't write, 'cause you know I 
ain't a great hand at slinging the ink. 

Kitty {offering hand). I wish you all the luck going, Jim. 

Jim (eagerly talcing it). Don't I know that. Kit? And 
now I'll have ter be gettin'. (Taking her in his arms) Good 
by, little girl 

ENTEE Sammy Sellers d. r. 

Jim (hissing Kitty). Good by. 

Sammy (loudly). Go right ahead, don't mind me. 

(Jim and Kitty draw apart in confusion.) 

Sammy (c. staggered). It, it ain't — ! (Speechless. Look- 
ing in amazement from one to the other. Then, as truth 
dawns upon him. Pointing at Jim) You were the clown 
and you — (Pointing at Kitty) the Queen of the Arena! I 
saw you both in the show last night ! 

(RumMe of train heard in the distance gradually growing 
louder and louder. This effect can he produced hy 
ruhhing two sheets of sandpaper together.) 

Jim. More'n likely yer did. (To Kitty) That's my 
train. I've got a be movin'. (Going up) So long, Kit, so 
long. [EXIT hurriedly D. c. 

Sammy (hurrying up to D. c. and looking after him). Hey, 
hold on there. I want to learn how to be a — (After a pause) 
He's gone! 

(Train effect has now ceased and after an instant's pause, 
commences again, this time gradually growing less and 
less in sound, until it dies out in the distance.) 

Sammy (finally coming down. To Kitty). Say, what you 
doin' here? 

Kitty. Why, the Doctor's going to let me live here. 

Sammy. He is? (Starts to jump up and down, wildly 
waving hat). Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! 

Kitty (anxiously). Why, what's the matter? 

Sammy (all enthusiastic). You can teach me how to 



Just Plain Folks. 23 

tumble, how to ride and everything like that. I want to join 
a circus. I want to be a clown. 

Kitty (worried). But the Doctor? 

Sammy. He's my uncle. Oh, you've got to help me. This 
is the chance I've been waitin' for. There's a big spare room 
up-stairs, right over this one. You can teach me there. 

Kitty. But 

Sammy (hurriedly). Never mind no " buts." My name's 
Samuel. You jes' call me Sammy fer short. I'm going to be 
your friend and I want you to be mine. 

Kitty. What will the Doctor say? 

Sammy. He'll be tickled to death. Why, he wants me to 
learn it. You'll teach me how to tumble, won't you? 

Kitty. If you think the Doctor really won't 

Sammy (emphatically). Aw, it's all settled. (Seizing her 
hy hand and dragging her R.) Come on ! 

Kitty. But I can't run away like this. Your aunt told 
me to wait here. 

Sammy. I tell you what. During supper, when all the 
folks are seated at the table, that'll be the best time. I'll be 
waiting for you up-stairs, so when you hear my whistle, 
you'll know it's all right. 

Kitty (worried). Don't you think 

Sammy. Now don't go thinking again. If you want to 
be a friend of mine — when I blow the whistle — why you'll be 
on the job. (Looking around) S — h. The old lady! 

ENTER Mrs. Gilbert, d. r. 

Mrs. G. There, dear, your room is ready. (To Sammy) 
Sammy, you'd better help Rosie with the wood. 

Sammy. Yes, mam. (At d. r. in whispers to Kitty) Now 
don't forget — when I blow the whistle. [EXIT D. R. 

Mrs. G. (at d. l.). Come, Arietta, Professor, everybody. 
Supper's ready. (Arranges chairs at table) 

ENTER Arletta and Professor d. l. arra in arm, followed 
hy Doctor Gilbert. 

Mrs. G. (to Arletta). Sit here. Arietta. (To Professor) 
And you here. Professor. (Offers him chair) 

Prof. Thank you so much. 

Mrs. G. (to Doctor). Where can Zeke be? (Goes up to 
D. c. and calls off) Oh Zeke! Zeke! Supper's ready. 

Doctor (to Mrs. G.). All the good you're hollering will 
do, with him deaf and dumb. 



24 Just Plain Folks. 

ENTER EosiE d, l. ivith a large platter which she places Oft 
table and then EXITS d. l. 

Doctor (seating at table. To others). Now don't be on 
ceremony, but help yourselves. 

Mrs. Gr. (comes down. To Ejtty). You, dear, will have 
to wait for the second table. 

Kitty. Yes, mam. 

(Mrs. G. goes up and joins others at table. Whistle heard 

off D. C.) 

Kitty (nervously. Aside). That's Sammy's whistle ! What 
shall I do? 

(After a brief pause, whistle is heard again.) 

Kitty. Perhaps after all I'd better go. He might get 
angry. (Looks around and then observes that the others 
are busily eating) [EXIT cautiously d. c. 

(At table. All loudly converse with gesticulation.) 

Prof, (heard above the din). There's no use talking, 
things have come to a pretty pass when this government 

ENTER Zeke Trimble, d. c. 

(Doctor beckons Zeke and points at table. Zeke hurriedly 
sits on chair l. of table and immediately adjusts napkin 
about neck and greedily helps himself to various dishes 
and begins devouring food, much to the discomfiture of 
Professor and Arletta, seated on either side of him.) 

(Dull thumping sound heard as if from above.) 

All (stop eating). What was that? 

Mrs. G. Sounded as if it came from the spare room up- 
stairs. 
Doctor (after a pause). Guess it's nothing. 

(They resume eating. After a moment the thumping is 
repeated.) 

Mrs. G. (rising). There it goes again! 
Prof, (nervously). What can it be? 
Arletta (to Professor). Maybe an earthquake! 
Doctor (calling aloud). Rosie! Rosie! Come here at 
once! 

ENTER Rosie d. r. 

Rosie. Did you call? 



Just Plain Folks. 25 

Doctor (to Rosie). Quick, go up-stairs and ascertain the 
cause of that outlandish noise. 

Rosie. Chessir. [EXIT, hurriedly D. R. 

Doctor. Resume your places. We'll soon know what it is. 

Arletta (all of a tremble). Oh, I'm so nervous. 

Prof, (equally as nervous. In trembling voice). Calm 
yourself, my dear. Whatever it is, remember / am with you. 

(Sounds repeated, this time much louder than before.) 

S>AMUY (heard off stage). Hurrah! Hurrah! I did it! I 
did it ! Here it goes again ! 

(An instant's pause, and then a tremendous thud, and a large 
quantity of ceiling presumably falls on table and covers 
diners. This effect can be produced by hanging a large 
box or canvas bag filled loith sawdust, between the second 
and third borders, with a string attached to a lid or slit, 
so that at the given moment, it can be released.) 

All (in great confusion). The ceiling has fallen! What- 
ever can have happened ? 

ENTER Rosie and Kitty, each supporting one of Sammy's 
arms. He is limp, one eye is blacl-ened, his hair ruffled, 
his clothing torn and covered with dust, and altogether 
he presents a sorry spectacle. 

Rosie. Nodding! (Referring to Sammy) He shust was 
playing circus ! 

TABLEAU. 

CURTAIN. 



ACT II. 



SCENE. — The same, a year later. No change save that the 
table has been cleared, and a pretty spread now covers it. 
It is about four o'clock of an afternoon in J line. At 
rise, Zeke Trimble, DISCOVERED seated in rocker, 
laboriously writing on slate. Rosie, with sleeves rolled 
up, is on her knees, scrubbing in front of fireplace. 
Beside her, is a wooden pail, in which from time to time, 
she wrings out wash rag. As she scrubs, hums an air in 
broken English. Zeke writes on slate, then nudges 
Rosie, to draw her attention.) 

Rosie (looking around). Ach ! vass ist? (Observing slate) 
Vat, some more? (Taking slate) 1 never get my work 



^6 Just Plain Folks. 

done. {Reads aloud, from slate) " I love you from the 
bottom of my heart." {Returning slate. Emphatically) 
Und I told you a hundred times, I got no use for you. 

(Zeke looks at her in utter amazement, not understanding.) 

RosiE {loudly in his ear). I tell you I don't love you, you 
verstand? {Looks at him to note effect. Zeke shakes his 
head in negative) Ach! you stupid! {Loudly in his ear) I 
tell you again, it's no use. You are wasting time. {Then 
realizing her mistake) Ach! I fergit. {Snatching slate from 
him) I got to write it on der slate for him. {Writing labor- 
iously and repeating as she writes, while Zeke, all anticipa- 
tion unsuccessftdly endeavors to look over her shoulder) "I 
tell you I don't — {Thoughtfully) Now how you spell love? 
{Suddenly) Oh yes. {Writing and spelling aloud) " 1-o-f-e 
— love," dot's it. {Then reading) "I tell you I don't lofe 
you — {Then adding) " I lofe only Sammy who is to be my — 
my — {Looking up thoughtfully) Oh, what you call 'im? 
{Suddenly) Oh, yes. {Writing and spelling) "Who is to 
be my — h-u-s-b-i-n." (Emphatically dotting slate) So! 
{Handing him slate) Here! Read dot! 

(Zeke reads without change of expression, then rises, makes a 
profound how.) [EXIT, pompously D. c. 

RosiE {watching him). Well, did I ever? Und I was 
afraid it would result in suicide. {Resuming work) Veil 
you never can tell 'bout men folks anyway. 

ENTER Kitty Mason, d. c. prettily gowned and carrying 

school-hooks in a strap. 

Kitty {to Rosie). Hello, Rosie. 

RosiE. Hello, Kitty. School out alretty? Yes? 

Kitty. Yep. {Placing hooks on tahle) Can I help you 
in any way? 

Rosie. No, I am through right away. Much obliged any- 
way. {Finishing) So, now I am done. {Rising, pail in 
hand) 

Kitty {looking around. To Rosie). Say, Rosie, have you 
seen Sammy? 

Rosie. What for you ask me dot? Since you are in der 
house, he joost don't ever speaks mit me. 

Kitty. Don't be jealous, Rosie, I don't want to take 
Sammy from you. 

Rosie {indignant). No, und you don't could if you would. 



Just Plain Folks. 27 

Kitty. I only look upon him as a friend, so don't always 
be angry with me on his account. 

KosiE (brokenly). Since he's got circus notions in his 
head I don't can do noddings mit him. 

ENTER Mrs. Gilbert, d. r. unobserved by them. 

Kitty. And that's why I'm so anxious about him. 
Haven't you seen him since morning? 

RosiE. Why, wasn't he in school? 

Kitty. No. (Then observing Mrs. G. clasps hand over 
mouth) I should say — yes, he was. 

'Mrs. G. (coming between them). In that case, why do 
you question Rosie? 

RosiE. Ches, mam, why you waste my time? 

Mrs. G. (to Rosie). That'll do, I'll attend to this. Go 
about your duties. 

Rosie (crushed). Ches, mam. (At D. R., looking back at 
Kitty) Oh, I hate dot circus rider. [EXIT D. R. angrily. 

Mrs. G. (to Kitty). Now then, what about Sammy? 

Kitty (trouhled) . Nothing, only I 

Mrs. G. (sternly). Was he, or was he not at school? 

Kitty (troubled). Why I 

Mrs. G. (stamping foot). Answer me, yes or no. 

Kitty (after an effort). Well, — yes, then. (Looks down 
and fingers dress) 

Mrs. G. I was sure of it. My poor departed sister's child 
could do no wrong. (To Kitty) I need not conceal the 
fact that I have been greatly disappointed in you. I thought 
that when the Doctor took you in and gave you shelter, that 
you would be grateful enough to leave your past life behind 
you. But no ! the very first day, you began by teaching my 
sister's child the mysteries of the circus arena; to make him 
dissatisfied with his home and its surroundings; to disgrace 
us before our old friends. 

Kitty (meekly). I didn't teach him to 

Mrs. G. (sharply). Silence! Your whole conduct has 
been reprehensible ! My husband's weakness in bringing you 
into his house has cost him his prestige in the community, 
for few parishioners of the church would have the hardihood 
to call in a physician who harbors a 

'KiiTY (emphatically) . Stop. I've heard enough ! You've 
been just this way with me, since the first day I arrived. 

Mrs. G. And can you blame me, after your disgraceful 
conduct on that occasion ? The time has arrived when the 
Doctor and I will have to come to an understanding in this 



48 Just Plain Folks. 

matter; the time when he will have to choose, between his 

wife and his adopted [EXIT d. l. 

Kitty (looks off after her, then sinks on floor, her head 
huried in seat of rocker. Sohs loudly). Oh why, oh why 
was I ever born! 

ENTEK Doctor Gilbert d. c. 

Doctor. My! but it's warm! (Espying Kitty) Hello! 
Hello! what's this? (Down to Kitty) Kitty, my girl, why 
these tears? 

Kitty (drying eyes). I jes' — I jes' can't help it. 

Doctor (glancing toward d. l.). Not my wife again, not 
after what I told her? 

Kitty (drying eyes). I can't blame her, Doctor. Guess 
she's right after all. Folks around here can't seem to forget 
the past. All the boys and girls at school turn from me. 

Doctor (surprised). Why, you never told me anything of 
this. 

Kitty (brokenly). I didn't want to bother you. But they 
do, jes' the same. None o' them play with me, but I wouldn't 
mind that so much if only your wife didn't 

Doctor (emphatically) . I'll speak to her at once, and have 
it out with her. 

Kitty (catching him hy arm). Oh, don't, Doctor, don't — 
It's little wonder she doesn't like me, the way the neighbors 
have lied to her about me. Guess it's time I went away. 

Doctor (comforting her). No, no, Kitty, you mustn't talk 
like that. You shan't go. No matter what the neighbors say, 
no matter what my wife says. After all, I am the master 
here. 

ENTER Mrs. G. d. l. 

Doctor (to Mrs. G.). Did you hear that, Mrs. Gilbert? 
(Emphatically) I am the master here! 

Mrs. G. (haughtily). It isn't necessary to proclaim it 
from the house tops. 

Doctor (to Kitty). Go to your room and think no more 
about it. After to-day you will at least have peace in this 
house or I'll know the reason why. 

[EXIT Kitty d. r. 

Mrs. G. (when she is gone). Is thnt a declaration of war? 

Doctor (turning to her). I intend to see that the child is 
treated with kindness under this — my roof. 

Mrs. G. (shrugging shoulders). And how long do you 
suppose we will continue under this roof at the rate you are 
going? 



Just Plain Folks. 29 

Doctor {fiercely). What do you mean? 

Mrs. G. I have no quarrel with the child herself, but with 
her past. Don't you realize that everybody in town is talking 
about us for keeping her? That most of your old friends 
have cut us from their list of acquaintances ? 

Doctor. And because of this mere child? It is incon- 
ceivable. 

Mrs. G. Nevertheless it is so. The taint of the circus 
is upon her 

Doctor {emphatically'). Enough of this. If people are 
so bigoted, so bereft of human intelligence, we do well to 
have no friends. 

Mrs. G. But don't you see? Even your old patients have 
left you. The thing has spread so that our income has been 
reduced, making necessary our step of to-day. 

Doctor {loolcing down). You mean — the mortgage. 

Mrs. G. Yes. 

Doctor {sinking on rocker, his head in his hands). I had 
not thought of that, Susan. I had not thought of that. 

Mrs. G. {behind him). Why not send her away to some 
home 

Doctor {waving her off). No, no, I couldn't think of it. 
I gave my promise to a dying man 

Mrs. G. a person not even related to her. 

Doctor {feelingly). She's a good little thing, Susan, so 
honest, so willing to please, so 

Mrs. G. You've only known her a year. She may change. 

Doctor {wp — crossing r.). The child could never change. 
She's too grateful for the little I've done for her, she will 
always remain so, 

Mrs. G. We shall see — we shall see. {Turning to him) 
You believe her honest? 

Doctor {emphatically). I know she is! She's never so 
much as told a falsehood. 

Mrs. G. I have reason to believe she lied to me but a 
moment ago. 

Doctor {turning on her). That is a hard statement! 
{Reluctantly to helieve her) She lied to you? 

Mrs. G. It was with reference to Sammy's attendance at 
school to-day. From what I gleaned from a talk between the 
two girls, I learned that Samm.y had played truant this 
afternoon. When I questioned her, she emphatically stated 
that Sammy 

Doctor. Had attended school. Which is very probable, 
in view of the fact that I have heard you often repeat — - 



30 Just Plain Folks. 

(with sarcasm) " your departed sister's child could do no 
wrong." (Glancing off, through window) But hush, the 
boy is coming We'll learn the truth from his own lips. 
(Finger to lips, imploring her silence) S — h. 

Sammy Sellers passes window and -finally ENTERS, d. c. 

swinging hoolcs in strap. 

Sammy (heholding them, stops ahruptly and looks from one 
to the other. Suspicioiis). Hello, what's up? 

Doctor. Nothing, Sammy. 

Sammy (looking from one to the other). I thought maybe 
you'd had a spat. 

Doctor. Which wouldn't have been anything new of late, 
eh, Sammy? But tell me — (Hesitating) Why weren't you 
at school to-day? (Sammy starts) 

Mrs. G. (sharply to Doctor). That's no way to address the 
boy, as though he'd really done wrong. (To Sammy) You 
were at school, dear? 

Sammy. Who says I wasn't? 

Mrs. G. No one, dear, we simply ask you, that's all. 

Sammy. Of course, I was. (Then doggedly) That's what 
a feller gets fer workin' like a slave all day. When he gets 
home, they ask him if he's been to school — (With assumed 
pathos) jes' as if he hadn't. 

Mrs. G. (comforting him). There, there, Sammy. We 
believe you. (Sammy sobs) 

Doctor (crossing to l.). I am not so easily convinced. 
Those tears only weaken the defense. 

Mrs. G. The lad needs no defense. He was at school. 

Doctor (coolly). And I as firmly believe the contrary. 

[EXIT D. L. 

Mrs. G. (angrily) Oh, what a man ! But I shan't give in 
to him. We must have this out, once and for all times. 
Oh John ! John ! [EXIT, D. L. hurriedly. 

SaiIimy (has pretended all the ivhile to he crying, looks up 
dry-eyed the instant Mrs. G. exits) Now I wonder who in 
the dickens could have told him? 

ENTER Kitty, d. l. 

Kitty (quickly to Sammy). Oh, I'm so glad you didn't 
give it away. 

Sammy (looking at her). Give what away? 

Kitty. Why, about not being at school. I know it was 
wrong, very wrong of me to do so, but I told them you'd been 
there. I wanted to save you, Sammy, I wanted to save you. 



Just Plain Folks. 31 

Sammy (loohing at her). Gee! you're a good old pal, do 
you know that? I didn't imagine you'd do as much for me. 
I'd got walloped in great shape if they'd found it out. 

Kitty. Promise me, Sammy, you won't do it again. 

Sammy. Well, anyway, not until another circus comes to 
town. 

Kitty. Another circus? Why, you don't mean? 

Sammy. Sure, dere's one to-night. Didn't yer see the 
bills? All over town. I went on the hook to watch 'em 
unload the wagons. And what do you think ? Bet you can't 



guess 



Kitty {enthusiastically clapping hands). Jim's with it! 

Sammy. With it? He owns it! 

Kitty (dazed. Repeating). Owns it? 

Sammy. Yep, and it's got the old one beat by a mile. I 
saw him and he asked about you. Wants you to come and 
see the show to-night. Said he might get up here during 
the afternoon, but wasn't sure. 

Kitty (overjoyed). Oh, won't I be glad to see him. 
How's he looking? 

Sammy. Finer 'n silk! 

Kitty. Gee ! And has his own show ! He always said he'd 
land it if they'd only give him a chance, but I didn't imagine 
it would be so soon. 

Sammy, Yes, but he's up against it now. Said business 
has been bad lately. Heard him tell Tim Heffly, you know 
him? 

Kitty (impatiently). The Sheriff! Go on! 

Sammy. Heard him tellin' Tim that he'd sell a half 
interest in the show for five thousand dollars, which was 
dead cheap, but that he'd have to get that much soon to keep 
things alive. 

Kitty (sorrowfully). Poor Jim. 

Sammy (sighs). Gee! don't I wish I had that much money 
to help him. I'd be a real circus man then, wouldn't I? 
(Disconsolately) But it's no use, I ain't never going to have 
no luck. 

(Professor is seen passing window.) 

Kitty (suddenly looMng hack). The Professor! 

Sammy (alarmed). What's he want here? And on this 
day when I 

Kitty. Mebbee come to find out why you weren't at school. 

Sammy (despairingly). That's it — that's it! (Groans) 
It's all over with me now. 



32 Just Plain Folks. 

(^Knoch is heard at d. c.) 

Kitty {nervously). With both of us, 'cause I'm in the 
same boat. What are you going to do? 

Sammy (looking around. Then to Kitty). I'm going to 
hide behind those curtains ! (Hurriedly gets behind curtains. 
Knock is repeated) 

Kitty (wildly). Where will I go? 

Sammy. I don't care where, so long as you don't come 
here. 

Kitty (espying table). I have it. (Gets under same) 

ENTEK Doctor d. l. followed by Mrs. Gilbert. 

Doctor. I don't care what he said, I am still of the 
opinion that the boy — (Knock again heard at D. c.) 

Mrs. G. There! I told you before, I heard a knock. 
(Opens door) 

ENTER Professor Winkler, d. c. 

Mrs. G. Well, of all persons! 

Prof. Good afternoon. I had an appointment here to 
meet Miss Bedell. Perhaps I am a trifle early. 

Doctor. Arietta hasn't arrived yet. 

Mrs. G. (coming down). Won't you let me take your hat? 
(Takes his hat and hangs it on peg at rear) 

Prof, (stiffly). Thank you, so much. 

Doctor. Professor, how are things going over at the 
school ? 

Prof. "Very well indeed, considering everything. 

Mrs. G. (now down l.). And my ward, little Kitty? How 
is she doing? 

Prof. To speak frankly, she is very industrious and 
anxious to get on, but the parents of the other scholars — 
(Hesitates) 

Mrs. G. (anxiously). Yes, yes, go on, what about them? 

Doctor (stamping foot). We are not interested as to the 
other scholars or their parents. 

Prof. Just so, just so. (Then endeavoring to change 
subject To Mrs. G.) But your nephew Sammy 

(Sammy comes from behind curtain and goes cautiously over 
to cupboard.) 

Doctor. What about him? 

Prof. I was a little surprised to-day 

Doctor (anxiously). Go on, go on, 



Just Plain Folks. 33 

Prof. I was about to say, it surprised me considerably he 
wasn't at 

(Sammy has picTced up a plate from cupboard and hefore the 
Professor can say the fatal word, has thrown it on the 
floor, breaking it; immediately thereafter pretending to 
he ill.) 

Sammy. Ob Pm so sick, I'm so sick ! (Sits on couch and 
hicks legs) 

(All direct attention to Sammy. Mrs. G. and Doctor 
quickly on either side of him.) 

Mrs. G. My poor, poor nephew! 

Doctor. The boy's got a fit! Quick! get him into my 
room! 

(Mrs. G. and Doctor excitedly continue remarks and taking 
hold of Sammy by arms, get him off l., Sammy, the while, 
continuing his groaning and trembling.) 

Prop, {who has nervously watched proceedings, now sits 
in chair, alongside of table). My word, what a fright! 
(Sighs in relief) I was very nearly 

Kitty (bobbing head from under tablecloth and addressing 
Professor). Please, Professor, you've got your foot on my 
hand! 

Prof, (starts up greatly alarmed, then observing Kitty). 
Well, of all persons! 

Kitty (out from under table). I thought you'd spoil it 
all just now. Sammy went to the circus and when you were 
going to tell about his not being at school, he had to throw 
,that fit. 

Prof, (indignant). I see! I see! A ruse, eh? Well I 
shall have to inform the Doctor ! (Starts h.) 

Kitty (catching him by arm). If you do, I'll do a little 
informing on my own account. 

Prof, (haughtily). I don't understand you. Miss 

Kitty. Ob, don't you? Then I'll speak plainly. (Point- 
edly) You happen to be in love with a certain wealthy 
party, which a certain party wouldn't be overpleased to know 
you sent another certain party a large bouquet of flowers 
last week, while she was stopping at the Lake Hotel, 

Prof, (his eyes blinking. Clearing throat). That lady, 
Miss, was 

Kitty (interrupting him). Neither your sister, your 
cousin, or anything of the sort. Oh, I've got my facts right. 



34 Just Plain Folks. 

(Winks knowingly at him, than close to him, looking up into 
his face Quietly) So what is it to be? 

Phof. Well, really, I don't know what to say. 

Kitty. Then I'll say it for you. Just you keep quiet 
when they do their quizzin', and if it gets too hot for you, 
why, it's a great deal cooler on the outside. Understand? 

Prof. You have the remarkable faculty of making things 
particularly clear to one. You can rely on my silence if on 
your part, you promise 

Kitty. I won't say a word. 

Prof. Thank you so much. I think we understand each 
other. (Boivs) [EXIT D. L. 

Kitty. Reckon he'll keep mum all right. (Turning to 
hooks) And now to get at my lessons. (Removing strap) 
What will I study first? (Knock heard at D. c.) Come in! 

ENTER Richard Morrey d. c. 

Kitty. Mr. Morrey! 

Morrey (down to her). Why not call me Dick? (Kitty 
turns away) 

Morrey. What have I done, that you should have ignored 
my letters all these months? For surely you must have 
received them? 

Kitty (looking doivn). Yes, yes, but I didn't dare answer 
them for fear 

Morrey (puzzled). For fear of what? 

Kitty. Oh, don't let them see you talking to me. It 
might get you into trouble. (Nervously) Whatever made 
you come here, anyviay ? 

Morrey. Business with the Doctor, for one thing. He is 
to make a mortgage to our client, Miss Bedell. 

Kitty. A mortgage? What is that? , 

Morrey. Why, she is to loan him a certain sum of money, 
and he in return will sign several papers. In the event he 
fails to pay the money when it becomes due, he agrees that his 
homestead here is to revert, — or rather go to the mortgagee, 
my client. That's about it, when stripped of legal 
phraseology. 

Kitty. People don't make those things, those mortgages, 
do they? Unless they're gettin' mighty poor? 

Morrey (laughing lightly). Oh, I don't know. Very 
likely, in the Doctor's case, he requires the money to invest in 
other securities. 

Kitty (brokenly). Oh, I reckon I know the cause, — it's 
me! (Sinking on couch) — me! — me! 



Just Plain Folks. 3S 

MoRREY. Nonsense, little one. How could you fancy such 
a thing? 

Kitty. Oh, you don't know all the trouble I've brought on 
them. 

MoRREY. Why, I can't imagine what • 

Kitty. And I can't tell you jes' now. (Wiping eyes) 
Let's talk o' somethin' else. (Changing subject) Tell me, 
did you find out anything about those papers? 

MoRREY. I've had some little success which argues well 
for the future; but I can't make anything known to you until 
I have positive results. Shattered hopes, you know, are nearly 
always irreparable. 

Kitty. Whatever that may mean. 

ENTER Doctor Gilbert d. c. 

Doctor. Ah, Morrey, got here I see. 

Morrey. Yes, and I should like to return on that next 
train, if possible. 

Doctor. We vron't detain you. Miss Bedell hasn't arrived 
as yet, but I might be looking over the papers. 

Morrey. A good idea. (Offering him large envelope) 
You'll find everything in there. 

Doctor. If you'll stei) into the other room, we can attend 
to their execution. [EXIT d. l. 

Morrey (to Kitty). See you by and by. [EXIT d. l. 

Kitty (sighs). It's all my fault, all my fault. (Goes to 
iahhj seats and taking up hooh, begins to study) 

(Arletta Bedell passes window, stopping long enough to 
looJc in at Kitty, then noiselessly ENTERS d. c.) 

Kitty (starting up). My! How'you frightened me! 

Arletta (with sarcasm). Must have somethin' on yer con- 
science, then. 

Kitty. Oh, it isn't that. Where I come from people 
usually knock on doors. 

Arletta (bitterly). Where you come from, you little brat, 
they don't usually have any door. Readin' one o' them 
trashy novels again, eh? I should think the Doctor would — • 
(Snatching boolc from her hand and glancing at it) 
Arithmetic. (Throwing boolc on table) Much need you'll 
have o' arithmetic in the circus. 

Kitty (up — angrily). See here. Miss Bedell. I've stood 
your insults as long as I'm going to! 

Arletta (surprised). Dear me, what a temper! 



36 Just Plain Folks. 

Kitty (worlced up). You and your kind have been most 
unchristian in your treatment of me, but I don't mind what's 
past and gone and don't hold it agin you ; but for the future, 
and from this very moment, I give you warning I'll stand 
no more of it. 

(Arletta looks at her contemptuously an instant, then turns 
on her heel) [EXIT d. l. majestically. 

Kitty (stands as if rooted, looJcing after her, then as she 
realizes what she has done). There! I've done it at last. I 
shouldn't have spoken the way I did, but I jes' couldn't 
restrain myself. She'll tell the Doctor and then — and 

then 

EN TEE Jim Grainger, d. c. 

Jim (in loud whisper). Kitty, toy gal! 

Kitty (turning. Overjoyed). Jim! (Throws herself 
into his outstretched arms) How glad I am to see you. 

Jim. Made up my mind I'd get a peep at you, if it cost 
me the show. (Standing her off and looking her over) 
You're lookin' like a two-year-old. Fine and dandy! 

Kitty (looking him over). And you, Jim! My! how 
you've changed! 

Jim (turns around, finally striking pose). Think so? 
Well, I've landed it! 

Kitty. So I heard. I'm so glad. 

Jim. But things ain't goin' right. Kit. I need a feature 
act. Gee, if only you were with me ! (Then quickly adding) 
But I mustn't talk like that. I mustn't spoil your chances. 
You'd better stay where your bread is buttered. You're 
better off where you are. 

Kitty. Oh, how I'd like to come to the show to-night, but 
Mrs. Gilbert would be angry. 

Jim. And I suppose if she saw me here, she'd go up in 
the air. Well I won't get you into trouble. Kit. So I'll jes' 
say 

Kitty (suddenly grasping his arm and looking L.). 
Listen! (Then nervously) Oh it's too late! They're 
coming ! 

Jim. I'll jes' get behind here, until the coast is clear. 
Don't worry about me, Kit. I won't give you away. I'll get 
off without them seein' me the minute I get a chance. (Gets 
iehind curtain. Kitty goes nervously, to mantel and pre- 
tends to he busy arranging vases thereon) 



Just Plain Folks. 37 

ENTER Doctor Gilbert d. l., followed hy Morrey and 
Arletta. 
Doctor. I didn't think Susan would get so agitated over 
this transaction. Thank goodness it's done, at last. (Hand- 
ing Morrey papers) Here are the papers, Morrey, all prop- 
erly signed. 

Sammv enters at d. c. and observing them, remains at 
door, watching developments. 

Arletta {talcing money from pochethooh and handing to 
Doctor). And there's the money, jes' as I got it from the 
bank. 

Doctor {quietly). Five thousand dollars! That's a whole 
lot 0' money. 

Sammy {unseen hy others, up at hack. Aside). Five 
thousand dollars! 

Morrey. Especially to keep in one's home, overnight. 

Arletta. Too bad, it's arter bankin' hours. 

Doctor (placing money in drawer of cupboard). Til be 
rid of the responsibility in the morning. 

[EXIT Sammy noiselessly d. c. 

Morrey. Well, now that everything's settled, I'll take my 
leave. 

Doctor. Much obliged to you for all your trouble. 

Morrky. None at all, — none at all. (Bowing to Arletta) 
Good afternoon, Miss Bedell. 

Kitty (to ]Morrey). I'll see you as far as the gate. 

Morrey. Thank you so much, (To others) Good day. 

[EXIT D. c. with Kitty. 

Arletta. It was unwise of you to let the girl see you put 
that money away. 

Doctor. Nonsense, Arietta, do you suppose I don't know 
her after she's been with me a whole year? 

Arletta. Well, I wouldn't be too trustin'. Yer never 
can tell about folks as ain't your own flesh and blood. 

Doctor (laughing). You women are all alike. First 
impressions are always lasting. I must tell Susan that you 
have joined the ranks against me. [EXIT d. l. laughing. 

Arletta (bitterly). Laugh if you will, but yori'll find orit 
some day, I ain't been far from right. [EXIT d. l, 

Jim (slowly out from behind curtains). What a tempta- 
tion to set afore a man what's down. That five thousand 
would put me right. Save the show! (Up to d. l. anxiously 
glances off, then over to cupboard, cnutiously opens drawer, 
then stops) But it would ruin Kitty! {Emphatically clos- 



38 Just Plain Folks. 

ing drawer) Jim Grainger ain't fallen as low as that. I 
won't do it! (Hoarsely) Who's that? (Cautiously behind 
curtains again) 

ENTEK Sammy Sellers noiselessly d. c. 

(Sammy halts at door and listens, then slowly down to cup- 
hoard; glances around room, then opens drawer. Kitty 
passes window, glancing in, starts as she observes Sammy, 
then noiselessly ENTERS d. c. coming down c. 
Sammy breathing hard finally locates money.) 

Sammy. At last! At last! (Turns l. and comes face to 
face with Kitty. Hoarsely) Kitty! That you? 

Kitty. What do you mean to do with that money? 

Sammy (guiltily). Why, I 

Kitty (her hand on his arm). You've got to put it back, 
Sammy. You've got to put it back. 

Sammy (protesting). It'll give me a chance to buy 

Kitty (firmly). Put it back, Sammy, for my sake. You'll 
ruin your Uncle, break your Aunt's heart. Put it back, 
Sammy, put it back. 

Sammy (struggling with her). No, no, Kitty. Let me go! 
Let me go, I say! 

Kitty (firmly). Not unless you put it back! 

(Voices heard off L.) 

Sammy (wildly). They're coming! Please let me go! 
Kitty (finally gets money away from Sammy). Now, go! 

[EXIT Sammy, quickly d. c. 
Kitty (money in hand, quicldy makes toward cupboard). 
Thank heaven, I will be able to save him ! 

ENTER Arletta Bedell, d. l. 

Arletta (observing Kitty). I thought so! (Calling off) 
Doctor ! Professor ! Everybody ! 

ENTER Doctor d. l. followed by Professor and Mrs. 
Gilbert; Rosie and Zeke d. r. 

Doctor (anxiously). What is it? 

Arletta. Didn't I tell you the gal wasn't to be trusted? 

Doctor (crossing to Kitty). You don't mean — (Taking 
hold of Kitty's hand and learning the truth) My God! 
You were right, after all! (Roughly snatching money from 
her) My eyes have been opened at last. 

Kitty (r. piteously) . Let me explain, please let me explain. 

Doctor (seizing her by wrists and putting her c). Stand. 



Just Plain Folks. 39 

aside! I am blind no longer! (Bitterly to Mrs. Gilbert) 
You were right from the first. I owe you an apology. It 
seems I never really knew the girl. 

Kitty (pleadingly). If you but knew the truth, — if I 
dared speak. I did not take the money. 

Doctor (turning on her). Don't, don't add a falsehood to 
what has gone before. I believed I could trust you but I 
find I was mistaken. (Pointing to D. c.) Out! Out of 
here! I never want to see your face again! 

Kitty (pleading). Oh, Doctor! Doctor! have mercy! 

Doctor. Be gone ! Leave my house ! Your place is in 
the street! 

Jim (out from hehind curtain). Her place is with me! 

(All are staggered.) 

Doctor. With you? You? And who, sir, might you be? 

Jim. I thought you wouldn't know me. I'm Jim 
Grainger, owner of " The Big Show " and since you've all 
got tired of the girl, I'll take her back where she came from. 
(Assisting the sobbing Kitty to feet) Come, Kitty, let's be 
on our way. (At door) I know the gal spoke the truth 
about that money. But there's no use in tryin' to convince 
yer, when you all are banded against her. But before I go 
I just want to say, you've made a terrible mistake, and that 
you'll all be sorry fer this some day ! (To Kitty) Come on. 
Kit, come on! 

(His arm about Kitty, leads her off d. c, passing window, 
while others stand as if rooted, hardly realizing what has 
transpired.) 

TABLEAU. 

CUETAIN. 



ACT IIL 



SCENE. — Same as before. Six months later. It is about 
nine o'clock on Christmas eve. Snow on window at 
hack. Lamp lighted on table. Fire in fireplace. EosiE 
DISCOVERED seated at table arranging tinsel or 
other decoration for a Christmas tree. 

RosiE. Well, we will have a Christmas tree to-morrow, 
even if we can't afford a turkey. 



40 Just Plain Folks. 

ENTER Zeke Trimble d. c. carrying wood in his arms. 
His shoulders are covered with snow. 

RosiE (up to him). Here, let me help you. (Takes wood 
from him and places it alongside of fireplace, meanwhile 
Zeke removes mittens and blows on fingers) 

RosiE. I guess you are pretty cold, eh ? It is blowing out. 
(Tahes hold of end of muffler, and turns him around, remov- 
ing it) So! Dot is more like it. (Assists him off with 
coat) 

(Zeke crosses to fireplace and warms his hands. Mrs. 
Gilbert is heard off l. calling aloud. Rosie! Rosie!) 

RosiE (hanging Zeke's things on pegs at rear). Ach, now 
I wonder what's up. 

ENTER Mrs. Gilbert d. l. with a skein of yarn. 

Mrs. G. (espying Rosie). Oh, I thought you'd gone up- 
stairs. 

Rosie. I was getting der tings ready for der tree. 

Mrs. G. (sighs). You poor little thing. I'm so sorry we 
couldn't afford one and that you had to spend your own 
money. 

Rosie. Oh, dot don't make no difference. It wouldn't be 
Christmas mitout one. Someding I can do for you? 

Mrs. G. You might unravel this for me, if you will. 
(Holding out yarn) 

Rosie (taking it). Sure, und Zeke, he can help me. 

Mrs. G. That's right. (Goes to window and looks off l.) 

(Rosie goes down to Zeke, forces him into rocker, places his 
hands in position and stretches yarn over them. Then 
goes up and gets a chair, which she places c. Begins 
to wind yarn into a hall.) 

Mrs. G. (looking off). My! What a night! (To Rosie) 
Where did Sammy say he was going? 

Rosie (winding yarn). To der post-office. 

Mrs. G. Poor boy. Whatever can have put that into his 
head ? We expect no letters. I do hope he returns shortly. 
It's blowing quite hard. 

Rosie. He must come soon back, now. Der post-office 
closes at nine. (Impatiently to Zeke) Oh, don't hold your 
hands so close together — make them farther between — so — ■ 
(Illustrates. Zeke stretches yar]i to its UmM, Rosjr, con- 
iinues winding the yarn) 



Just Plain Folks. 41 

Mrs. G. (comes down r. of Kosie). The past six months 
have brought many changes, haven't they, Rosie? 

RosiE. Ach! Cheer up, Mrs. Gilbert, never mind. You 
are too sad lately. Be of good cheer, anyway, on dis night. 

Mrs. G. (sighs). I dare say you are right. I thought 
when Kitty left us things would go differently with the Doc- 
ter, but it seems it wasn't all her fault after all that the 
Doctor lost his patients. The young physicians in town, 
with their new ideas are the ones. The Doctor is too old- 
fashioned, too set in his views, too old to cope with them. 

Rosie (feelingly). Never mind. Better times will come. 

Mrs. G. (sliahing head). I like to think so, Rosie, but it's 
hard — it's hard. (Ahout to hrenh down) 

Rosie. Never mind, Mrs. Gilbert. Whatever happens, I 
never leave you. 

Mrs. G. (drying eyes). You are a good girl, Rosie, a good 
girl. [EXIT D. L. 

(Meanwhile, Zeke has fallen asleep. Rosie digs him in ribs. 
Zeke starts up.) 

Rosie (winding yarn). You are always sleeping — when 
you ain't awake. (Emphatically) Hold your hands closer 
apart. (Shows him how. Then as he stretches yarn. Ir- 
ritated) No, no! not so far together! (Places his hands 
right) 

ENTER Sammy Sellers, d. c. His shoulders are covered 
with snow. 

Rosie (turning around). Oh, hello, Sammy. (Placing 
hall of yarn in Zeke's lap, rises and goes to Sammy) Did 
you get a letter? 

Sammy (disconsolately). Nope. 

(During the following, Zeke holds yarn as before, and 
gradually as his arms groiv tired, he shows the agony he 
is undergoing, by the various expressions of pain on his 
face, and the writhing of his legs.) 

Rosie (to Sammy). See, I told you Kitty didn't care dot 
much for you. (Snaps her fingers) 

Sammy. Oh, it wasn't that. I knew it right along. 

Rosie (surprised). Why I thought you 

Sammy. Oh, I never had a chance with her against that 
young lawyer feller. 

Rosie (surprised). Der young laywer? 



4i Just Plain Polks. 

Sammy. Yep. I saw him kiss her at the gate, the day 
she went away. 

RosiE. Well, well. Den why are you so anxious about der 
letter? 

Sammy. Oh, I can't tell you now, but you can pretty near 
guess, when I tell you I was the cause of her going away. 

EosiE. No ! 

Sammy. You'll hear it all in good time. I can't keep it 
back much longer. I'll make a clean breast of it to-night. 

(Zeke yawns loudly.) 

Sammy (starts). What was that? 

EosiE (observing Zeke). Oh, only Zeke. I forgot 'bout 
him. (Resumes winding yarn) 

Sammy (anxiously). Where's Doc? 

RosiE. In der other room mit your aunt. 

Sammy. I don't want to see them jes' now. I'll be in my 
own room if they want me. [EXIT D. R. 

RosiE (nodding head). I don't know what's got into him 
of late. 

ENTEE Mrs. Gilbert d. l. 

Mrs. G. (to Rosie). Through, Rosie? 

RosiE (winding hurriedly). Shust on der wind-up. 
(Finishing) Now I am done. (To Zeke) So, now you can 
sleep all you want to, and more besides. (Hands hall to 
Mrs. Gilbert) 

(Zeke yawns, rises and stretches.) [EXIT D. L. 

Mrs. G. I thought I heard Sammy's voice. 
Rosie. Ches, mam, he shust went up-stairs. 
Mrs. G. (looking off r.). What's got into the boy? 

ENTER Doctor Gilbert d. l. He has aged considerably 
since previous act. 

Rosie. Doctor! (Quichly to his side and assists Mm to 
rocker) 

Doctor. Thank you, dear, thank you. 

Rosie (going up to table and tahing up decorations). 
Und now, I finish me der tree. [EXIT d. l. 

Doctor (to Mrs. Gilbert). My dear, it has just occurred 
to me that we haven't paid the interest to Arietta. 

Mrs. G. (sadly). I know that, John. It became due on 
the first of the month. But she has plenty, she will be 
patient ; at least, until things change for the better. 



Just Plain Folks. 43 

Doctor (sighs). Alas, I'm afraid the future holds noth- 
ing but trouble in store for us. 

Mrs. G. (her arms about his neck). Don't despair, John. 
Everything will come out right. 

Doctor. I hope so, dear, I hope so. (Knock is heard 
at D. c.) 

Mrs. G. Who can that be? (Goes up to door and opens 
it) 

EJSTTER Richard Morrey, d. c. Snow is on his shoulders. 

Mrs. G. (surprised). Mr. Morrey! 

MoRREY. I dare say my visit surprises you. 

Mrs. G. You are quite welcome. Please come in. 
(Closes door after him) 

Morrey (to Doctor). Ah, Doctor. (Shakes his hand and 
then begins to remove gloves) 

Mrs. G. (brings chair down c). Won't you be seated? 

Morrey. Thank you. (Sits) I shouldn't have come on 
this night, but to-morrow is the one day in the year when all 
should be happy. 

Mrs. G. (quickly). Yes, yes, go on, go on. 

Morrey. I have good news for your little ward, for Kitty. 

Mrs. G. (seated on couch). For Kitty? 

Doctor (quietly). She, sir, is no longer my ward, she 
is 



Morrey (rising). You don't mean to infer that she 

Mrs. G. She left our roof right after your last visit. 
Morrey (surprised). You astound me! 
Doctor. I drove her out of my house, sir. 

ENTER Sammy Sellers slowly d. r. 

(Sammy, observing Morrey, remains in the background, 
listening intently.) 

Mrs. G. (to Morrey). We will spare you a recital of all 
the disagreeable features connected with her departure. Suf- 
fice it to say, the Doctor could pursue no other course. It 
was the only thing 

Morrey (dazed). But her whereabouts? Where is she? 

Doctor. That, sir, we do not know. 

Morrey (crushed). Then I was too late after all. 

Mrs. G. She left with the circus. Perhaps 

Morrey (anxiously). Yes, yes, — what circus? 

Mrs. G. I hardly remember. You know we are not 
familiar with such things. 



>■ Merry Christmas, everybody! 



44 Just Plain Folks. 

Sammy (down r.). I can tell you. She went with 
Grainger, Jim Grainger of the Grainger's Big Show. 
MoRREY. Then God knows what's become of her. 

{Sleigh-hells heard off in the distance gradually growing 
louder and louder, finally coming to a stop.) 

Sammy (anxiously). Wliy, what do you mean? 

MoRREY. Receiving no reply to my letters addressed to her 
here, I thought of Grainger, but learned that his enterprise 
had met an untimely end, some months ago, out West. (Dis- 
consolately) Oh, I'm so sorry my mission has come to such 
an end. How happy I could have made her! How happy 
indeed ! 

(Knock is heard at D. c. Mrs. Gilbert opens the door.) 

ENTER Professor Winkler and Arletta Bedell, arm in 
arm. Their shoulders are covered with snow. 

Arletta. 

Prof. 

Arletta. A little ahead o' time, but better early than 
never. 

Mrs. G. Where in the world have you come from? 

Arletta. New York. Just returned from our honey- 
moon. 

MoRREY (consulting watch). As I understand it, there's 
another train at 

Doctor. Eleven-thirty. 

MoRREY (hidtoning coat). I can about make that, I fancy. 
Sorry my trip proved fruitless. Good-night, everybody. 
Wish you all a merry Christmas. [EXIT, D. c. 

(Mrs. Gilbert closes door after him. Sammy crosses to 
window and anxiously loohs off after him.) 

Doctor (to Arletta). Thought you knew Mr. Morrey? 

Arletta (haughtily). Used to, but no more. No, siree, 
no more! 

Mrs. G. (coming down). Why, what's the matter? 

Arletta (seating on chair c). Well, I'll tell you. When 
we went to New York, natchelly I thought my lawyers would 
be jes' the folks to show us around. Well, do you know, they 
treated us so chilly like and made so many excuses about 
bein' busy and sech, that I jes' got riled up and told 'em I'd 
get other people to do my work hereafter. And mind you, 
what do you think they said ? 



Just Plain Folks. 4$ 

Mrs. G. Can't imagine. 

Arletta (with flashing eyes). "Go ahead." That's what 
they said. 

Doctor. That's why you don't speak as you pass by. 

Arletta. But Oscar here — (referring to Professor, who 
stands alongside of her) and me, got along first rate. We 
saw the Eden Musee; the — the — (turning to Professor) what 
do they call that other thing where they keep all the fishes ? 

Prof. The aquarium, my dear, the aquarium. 

Arletta. That's it! (All smiles) Ain't it handy to have 
an intelligent man like Oscar for a husband? 

Prof, (hoivs pompously). You flatter me, my dear, 

Arletta. Landsakes, I don't know how I ever got along 
without him, all these years. (Continuing) And Fifth 
Avenue, we saw that. And mind you, the opree! 

Doctor (surprised). The opera? (Arletta and Pro- 
fessor bow proudly) 

Arletta. We saw everything, but the opree cost us the 
most, as we had to get special clothes to attend. 

Mrs. G. Special clothing? 

Arletta. Yes, don't you know? Night clothes. 

Prof, (reprovingly). Evening dress, my dear, evening 
dress. 

Arletta. That's them. And I tell you, we showed up as 
good as any of 'em, if I say so myself. Had everybody look- 
ing at us. (Bises) We wore them over to show you. 
(Throtving shaivl and coat open and striking poses) Here 
they are! 

Mrs. G. (surprised). Well, well, well! 

Arletta (to Professor, removing shawl). Take off your 
overcoat, so's they can get a good view. 

(Professor proudly removes overcoat.) 

Mrs. G. You certainly have become citified. 

Arletta. Oscar and me is thinking seriously of moving to 
the city fer good. 

Doctor. No ! 

Arletta. Yep! Things are too plum slow in these parts 
fer such as us. [EXIT Sammy slowly d. r. 

Arletta. Besides, city life agrees with me. Why you 
never saw nothing like the crowds. Fair day hereabouts ain't 
a patch to it. 

ENTEE Eosie d. l. 

EosiE (to Mrs. Gilbert). Blease, mam, der Christmas 
tree is lighted. 



46 Just Plain Folks. 

Mrs. G. Very well, dear. [EXIT Eosie d, l. 

Arletta (surprised). Landsakes, you must have a lot o' 
money to waste, havin' a tree. 

Mrs. G. (hanging Professor's coat and hat on hooks at 
rear). It's Rosie's. She got it up herself. Won't you come 
in and look at it? 

Prof. Shall we, Arietta? 

Arletta (thoughtfully). Jes' as you say, Oscar, but I 
know it'll look mighty tame after all the things we seen in 
New York. [EXIT d. l., arm in arm with Professor. 

Mrs. G. (to Doctor). Won't you come in, John? 

Doctor. No, dear, I'd rather remain by the fire. 

[EXIT Mrs. Gilbert, d. l. 

Doctor. What could he have wanted with the girl, I 
wonder? Something of importance, I venture, to bring him 
here on such a night as this. (Knock is heard at d. c.) 
Come in! 

ENTER Kitty Mason and Jim Grainger, d. c. Snow covers 
their shoulders. 

Doctor (rising unsteadily. Gasps). Kitty! 

Kitty (coming down). Why, ain't you glad to see us? 

Doctor (recovering composure) . What brought you here? 

Jim (surprised). What brought us here? 

Kitty (to Doctor. Sweetly). Why, your letter, of course. 

ENTER Sammy Sellers d. r., remains unseen in doorway. 

Doctor (puzzled). My letter? This is some trick. I 
never wrote you a letter. 

Kitty (trembling). You must have, for — (producing 
crumpled letter and holding it out to him) here it is. 

Doctor. There must be some mistake, some serious mis- 
take. (Taking letter and glancing at it. Starts) Sammy's 
handwriting! (Quickly looking at hack of letter) And my 
name attached ! 

Sammy (now down R. Quietly). Yes, I wrote that letter! 

Doctor (staggered). You? 

Jim (starts). Sammy! 

Kitty (reprovingly to Sammy). Oh, how could you de- 
ceive us this way? It was wrong of you to bring us here, 
wrong of you ! 

Doctor (to Kitty). You mustn't remain here, child, after 
what happened on that day when you 

Sammy. It wasn't Kitty who 



Just Plain Folks. 47 

Doctor (stamping foot. Worked up). Sammy! Let me 
attend to this. 

ENTER Mrs. Gilbert d. l., stands in hacTcground. 

Sammy. That's why I wrote the letter fetching them here. 
I wanted to tell the truth, to square things for Kitty, 'cause 
it was all my doings. I tried to steal the money that day 
and Kitty here, stopped me, took it away from me and saved 
me from being a thief. 

Mrs. G. (hrol-enly). What are you saying? What are 
you saying? 

Doctor (to Kitty). Is this the truth? Speak, child, 
speak! (Kitty only hows her head) 

Sammy. She knows it is, so does Jim here, (referring to 
Grainger) so do I ! I wanted to join the circus, wanted the 
money to — (Turning away, his head huried in his arm) Oh, 
why, oh why, didn't I speak before! 

Doctor (who has sunk hack in rocker). How we have 
wronged you, Kitty, how we have wronged you ! 

Kitty (kneeling beside him). That's all right Doc, don't 
go on so. 

Doctor (stroking her head). And so Sammy's letter, in 
my name, brought you back to me. You had it in your heart 
to forgive me, eh? 

Jim. Because that letter said you'd forgive her. 

Doctor (his arm ahout Kitty). Alas, I have nothing to 
forgive. I alone have been at fault, alone must beg forgive- 
ness. 

(Whistle of train heard off in distance and train effect as in 
first act.) 

Sammy (quickly). The lawyer! I forgot about him! I 
must stop him leaving on that train! [EXIT D. c. 

Mrs. G. (feelingly). We owe you much which, in our 
straitened condition, we can never hope to repay. 

Kitty. That's all right. It wasn't your fault. I have 
myself to blame for everything. 

Mrs. G. You are too generous, Kitty. We have acted 
shamefully toward you. I bow my Iiead when I think of it. 

Doctor (to Jim). And you, sir, how have you fared? 

Jim (fingering hat). The world ain't been extree good ter 
me o' late. I've lost my all. I'm down and out. 

Mrs. G. (sadly). And still managed to take care of Kitty 
here. Poor, poor fellow. How I feel for you. (Crosses 

to R.) 



4d Just Plain Folks. 

ENTER Arletta Bedell followed hy Professor. 

Arletta (calling). Susan! Susan! Aren't you — (Then 
observing Jim) Who in the world! (Then observing Kitty 
at Doctor's knee) Do my eyes deceive me ? That girl back 
again ? 

(Professor stands alongside of her, and assumes expression 
of horror.) 

Doctor (his arm about Kitty). My daughter has come 
back to me. 

Arletta (surprised). Well, I like that! (Her hands in 
the air). Yer don't mean ter say, you've taken her into your 
home again? 

Doctor. It was wrong of me ever to have sent her away. 

Prof, (in amazement). My word! 

Arletta (turning to Mrs. Gilbert). And what do you 
think o' that, Susan? 

Mrs. G. The Doctor is right. We have greatly wronged 
the child. 

Arletta. What do you suppose the neighbors will say 
when they hear it? What do you suppose the 

Doctor (emphatically). It makes no difference what any- 
one says. If Kitty desires to remain with us, she is welcome 
to stay. 

Kitty (warmly). Oh, thank you so much. 

Arletta. In that case, we, your old friends, find it neeea- 
sary to leave at once. (To Professor) Get our things! 

Doctor. I'm sorry you look at it that way. Arietta, 
but 

Arletta (bitterly). No Christian could look at it in any 
other way. If that brat remains, we go! 

Prof, (coming down with things. Imitating her). Yes, 
we go! 

Doctor. So be it, then, but Kitty stays. 

Arletta. That settles it! That's all I want to know. 
(Hurriedly putting on shawl) Come, Oscar. 

(Professor has put on coat and hat.) 

Arletta (to Doctor) I consider our friendship now at an 
end, do you understand that? 

Doctor (protesting). Oh, Arietta, don't. 

Arletta (stamping foot). At an end! No one insults me 
the second time, I tell you that. The idea of taking in other 
people's children when you can't pay your own 



Just Plain Folks. 49 

Doctor {up. Angrily). Stop! This has gone far 
enough! I don't owe a 

Abletta {sharply). You owe me the interest on your 
mortgage. 

Doctor {staggered. Quietly). Oh, yes, I'd quite for- 
gotten that. 

Arletta. Well don't think 1 forgot it. Business is busi- 
ness with me. It's due near a month now and unless it's 
paid to-morrow, I'll have my lawyer 

Doctor {piteously) . Please, Arietta, you wouldn't- 



Arletta. Oh, wouldn't I? Well jes' you wait and see! 
{To Professor) Come, Oscar, we quit this house forever. 
{They start towards D c. 

ENTER Sammy Sellers d. c. 

Sammy {breathlessly). I caught him, jes' in time! 

ENTER Richard Morrey hurriedly d. c. 

MoRREY {espying Kitty. Joyously). Kitty! I'm so 
glad! 

Kitty {all anxiety). Why, what is it? 

ENTER RosiE d. l., and watching proceedings gradually 
comes doivn in front of fireplace. 

(Arletta and Professor, listen interested.) 

MoRREY {quichly). Oh, I've hunted for you everywhere 
the past month, written you a dozen letters. Everything's 
finally settled. You are the daughter of wealthy New 
Yorkers who died leaving you in the care of an old aunt. 
Stolen by scoundrels and held for ransom, which was never 
paid, all trace of you was lost. But I've found you at last 
and you will live to enjoy your fortune. 

All. Fortune ? 

MoRREY. A fortune of over a million ! 

Jim {slapping Kitty on shoulder). What did I tell you, 
Kitty? What did I tell you? 

Kitty. Good old Jim, you were right after all. {Dazed) 
Oh, it all seems like a dream. {Turning to Jim) You shall 
have a real circus now, the best in the land! {Turning to 
Doctor) And you shall want for nothing. 

Doctor. This is more than we deserve. 

Arletta and Prof, {who have been endeavoring to draw 
Kitty's af tent ion). Congratulations, my dear. 

Arletta. I always said you were no ordinary child. Al- 
low me to be your best friend, 



50 Just Plain Folks. 

Prof, (stiffly offering hand). Me, too! 

Kitty (drawing herself to her full height). Thank you, 
but I prefer to choose my friends ! 

Arletta. Oh, the impudent thing! (To Professor) 
Come, Oscar! (They hath start for D. c.) 

Kitty (calling after them). And as for that interest, you 
needn't worry. You'll get all that's comin' to you. 

[EXIT Professor and Arletta d. c, angrily. 

MoRREY (looking at watch). I'm afraid I'll have to wait 
until morning for a train. It's nearly midnight. 

Doctor. Why not spend your Chritmas here with us? 

MoRREY. Do you really mean it ? I'd like nothing better. 

Kitty. We'll have a bully old time. Dick here will loan 
me some money in the morning, I'll drive to town and buy 
you all a lot of presents. 

MoRREY (close to her). And what are you going to give 
me? 

Kitty (loolcing up at him). Why, what do you most want? 

MoRREY. I want you, Kitty, to be my wife. 

(Bell tolls solemnly in distant church tower.) 

Doctor (rising). Listen! It's twelve o'clock! 
Mrs. G. Christmas! 

(All stand listening intently.) 

RosiE (after an effective pause). Und it looks after all 
like we'd have turkey! 

PICTLTKE. 

CUETAIN. 



A COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT 

A Farce Comedy in Three Acts, by Anthony E. Wills 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Nine male, four female characters, including one character old man, 
one tramp-lead, one German, one Frenchman, one Yankee, two old men, one 
character old lady, two juvenile-ladies, and a French soubrette. One interior, 
one exterior scene. Time of playing 2}^ hours. 

SYNOPSIS 

Johann Kramer, proprietor of "The Lion Inn" in the Catskill Moun- 
tains, advertises that Count Nogoodio of Paris is to sojourn at his hotel. 
The Count had so arranged, but rescinded his order. Two old New Yorkers, 
each possessing a marriageable daughter, and both in financial straits, visit 
the Inn to capture the Count as a son-in-law. Kramer employs a tramp, 
"Weary," to impersonate the Count. Later the real Count appears, and 
"Weary" introduces him as his insane valet. The Count is put in jail. 
After "Weary" has driven Kramer nearly crazy, and set everybody at 
loggerheads, the Count escapes from jail and is finally recognized. A 
wealthy old maid, whose strategy baffles fortune-hunters, and her brother, 
full of fancied ailments, contribute to the droll situations with which the 
play abounds. 



THE GIRL FROM PORTO RICO 

A Farce Comedy in Three Acts, by Joseph Le Brandt 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

CHARACTERS 

Jack Jenkins, who likes excitement ....;.:c.r»-».»;.!,... Juvenile Lead 

Robinson Dodd, called "Robin" for short..... Light Comedy 

Abraham Mite, who has a hobby...... ...,,.,...,......,,.,..;.i.[. .Character Comedy 

McGiNTY, man servant *...». ..........,•...*,..... Low Comedy 

Jabez Vacant, Real-estate dealer Character 

DiNA Mite, liable to explode at any moment..................... Lead 

Violet Waters, just as sweet as her name.....,......,...,, Ingenue 

Sarah, a little slow, but always "comin" .,,.,...,.-. .Rough Soubrette 

One Interior Stage-setting throughout the Three Acts. 
Time of Representation — Two-and-a-half Hours. 

Mr. Mite has married a Porto Rican wife and has a daughter, Dina, S 
fiery termagant, who is engaged to the very quiet and sedate Robin. Jack, 
however, falls in love with Dina, who, after numerous complications, agrees 
to become his wife with the sole intention of making his existence a tor- 
ture. In this she fails completely, as Jack soon asserts his authority and 
eventually wins her love. The action is rapid and the quick successions of 
stage situations causes roars of merriment. 



MISS MOSHER of COLORADO 

OR 

A MOUNTAIN PSYCHE 

COMEDY-DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS, BY A. S. RICHARDSON. 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Five male, three female characters, including a Denver capitalist, an 
enterprising young man, a Wall Street broker, a rich, nervous man, a 
Colorado heiress and her mother, a maiden lady, and a butler. Time of 
playing, 2 hours. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — The ranch near Denver. Mosher's addition. Mosher means to 
cut a dash. A turn of luck. Choosing dollars instead of love. 

Act II. — At Lenox, Mass. An odd pair of lovers. The rough course 
of true love. Filial devotion. Love's awakening. A mother's love. 

Act in. — Preparing for the ball. A surprise for Leta. A close call. 
Dallas again. 

Act IV. — After many days. False pride is broken. Story of Dallas. 
Leta's ultimatum. Shaking hands and calling it square. 

MY LADY DARRELL 

OR 

A Strange Marriage 

A DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS, BY JOSEPH LE BRANDT. 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

Nine male, si.x female characters, including juvenile leading man, genteel 
heavy, light comedy, straight old man, comedy characters, heavy character; 
leading lady, genteel heavy, character old women. Easy to stage, and 
thrillingly dramatic throughout. Time of playing, 214 hours. 3 interior 
and 3 exterior scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Rural Scene I. — The Paisey farm. "Now, strike if you dare." 
Scene II. — Lord Darrell's estate. A strange marriage. 

Act II.— Society drama. Lapse of four months. The plot. The insult. 
The blow. 

Act III. — The abduction. Recognition. "You are the murderer of 
Captain Wyndham. 

Act IV. — Melodrama. In London. "I'll rescue her if it takes the last 
drop of blood in my veins." The Beggars' Paradise. Finale. 



